Watching LOST last night made me think of all the different realities that may have occurred had I done things differently in my life.

What if I had stuck it out with Tom and we eventually got married? I'm certain we would be divorced by now. Quite possibly HIV positive or some other nasty STD to boot. I'd probably still be tending bar somewhere in Roanoke and renting a crappy apartment and pining away for 3081. Dodged that bullet.

What if I had stuck it out with David? We'd be living paycheck to paycheck. Living on the boat and camping out in the woods. I'd have a crappy job and he'd spend all of our money on drugs or engine parts. I wouldn't be able to hang out with my friends because he wouldn't be able to control me. Dodged that bullet.

What if I had stuck it out with Wayne? I'd be living in a really nice house overlooking Smith Mountain Lake. We'd go skiing in BC. We'd have wild parties in the summer for the college students in his classes. I'd miss my cats terribly since he wouldn't let me keep any at the house. And I'd always wonder if he was sleeping with one of his students. He'd probably arrange a job for me. I'd be babysitting his grandchildren. His son is older than me. Not my idea of a good time.

What if I had stuck it out with Mike? Moot. I would never have stuck it out with Mike. He was a wacko.

What if I had tried to make it work with Jimmy? I'd still be living at my beloved Sweet Apple. I'd have chickens, ducks, goats, a horse. I cry sometimes with the loss of that house. I never should have sold it. I wouldn't have gone to Greece and Italy. I don't want to think about this particular "what if" anymore.

What if I had stayed in New Jersey at my programming job? I'd be knocking down some serious bucks right now. I'd be paying for outrageous car insurance and rent. I'd be stressed out. I'd be hanging out with my brother and drinking heavily no doubt. Money isn't everything.

What if I had married Doug? I'd be renting a crappy little mill house. I'd be raising his son from a different marriage. I'd still be working for that sexist asshole...no...I'd have quit anyway or been fired. I'd probably still be pining for Jim in the real estate office and wondering "what if" he had fallen in love with me instead. There would have been no reason for Doug to stalk me. And he would have never married his current wife in retaliation. Another wacko.

What if? What if? What if?

Well, as it turns out Jim in the real estate office did fall in love with me. Thank God! He hates cats but he knows they make me happy so he allows himself to be surrounded by them. We live in a nice house where I pretty much have free rein to do whatever the hell I want with it. I come and go as I please. If I want to go back to school I can. If I want to get a job I can. We're raising our daughter together and he pitches in whenever he can. I can bitch about how he does everything half-assed....like....he never completely unloads the dishwasher....or, he only gets his stuff out of the dryer or only folds his clothes...or, helps out in the garden only to create more work for me... but that is piddly ass stuff and in the grand scheme of things doesn't mean squat. I wouldn't trade this reality for anything.

How does thy garden grow? It's raining. Again. My garden is woefully lacking this year. The peas just started to bloom and look absolutely beautiful. I think I'll have a really nice crop this year. The tomato plants aren't exactly busting loose. I planted 13 (shit I'm so brain dead anymore) Italian drying tomatoes. Principe Borghese. Cripes. I just spent 5 minutes trying to remember that name and then POW it's right there. Two of them withered up and died immediately. The rest are just poking along. I really don't need that many plants because I still have quite a few left over from the last harvest but Rocky (our hen) will dispatch quite a few I'm sure. I think I'll try something different with the way I stake them this year. The spiral tomato stakes were a big joke last year. I was thinking of getting some rigid PVC pipe, drilling some holes thru it, and feeding a clothesline wire (the plastic coated kind) thru it. Kind of like espalier or however it's spelled. It would keep the fruit off the ground at least. PVC is cheap and won't rot. Tomato cages just don't work with them.

I also have lemon cucumbers growing up a trellis this year. The boxwire fence didn't work out very well last year. Too vertical I think. I broke apart the old compost bin (?) that was rotting behind the garage. Half of it was still in pretty good shape so I lugged it over to the garden. It is spanning the path between two of the raised beds so hopefully the cukes will climb up one side and squash will climb up the other. It looks like a couple of volunteer lemon squash came up just in the right place. They are also heirlooms.
Oh gak. The cat just puked. Lovely.

I also planted a dozen pepper plants. They are doing well. The brussels sprounts are just not doing anything. The cabbage is tattered since the chicken enjoys it so. I only had a tiny bit of spinach germinate and it had just gotten to a nice picking stage when the chicken found it. It was succulent and I was already salivating over it and then it was gone. Completely. Evil bird. She doesn't seem to think too much of the lettuce. I've got plenty of that. I planted a single row of string beans the other day. I saw Rocky down in the garden this morning so I imagine it has sprouted and she was tasting them. I called her to the house. She slowly walked in my direction until I rattled the cheese cracker box and then she was airborne. She's a cracker ho.

Not much else in the garden. I planted some dahlias down there. I had some volunteer cosmos show up. A single volunteer marigold. A very sturdy volunteer sunflower. I moved some iris down there as well since it was being overrun in the border garden. I have one bed left that is covered with black plastic and I really need to get my squash planted. I'm thinking I might just cut holes in the plastic and have at it. The weeds are almost gone. It sure would make harvest a breeze. But then I'd have to mulch the hell out of the plastic so the plants wouldn't cook. Either or. This, of course, is dependent upon the rain and if I'll ever be able to get into the garden again. I've been putting pine needles on the paths but it still floods down there. I think I need to invest in some hip waders. Or maybe just switch to hydroponics.

What's worse than a wet dog? A longhaired cat soaked to the bone that wants to cuddle.

My head is splitting. Dd pushed me over the edge yesterday and my head started to pound. I took a bunch of ibuprofen but it didn't touch the pain. Since dh is doing the BOE (Board of Equalization: where homeowners bitch about their assessments and present their case to get it lowered and dh explains how he arrived at their assessment) thing this week I had to take dd to soccer practice. The last soccer practice of the season. All the parents who showed up were supposed to scrimmage against the kids. I declined. "The Crane"'s mama showed up late and I don't think she grasped the concept of the scrimmage. She jumped right in and promptly kicked my kid and knocked her down. Dd is 7. Dh was playing, too, and having a great time. Meanwhile, the mama's 4 yo dd decided to entertain me. I should have just left.

I took the long way home to clear my head and some punk ran a red light and nearly hit me. I slammed on the brakes and he drove away oblivious as hell. Not my day.

Woke up this morning with the same headache. I think dd must have sensed how close I was to the edge and decided to leave me alone. Dh must have read the riot act to her yesterday on the way home from practice because she didn't give me any grief at all this a.m. She even made her bed without being told. Not that my telling her to do something would mean it got done. Quite the contrary. Her friend Lauren is having a birthday party in a couple of weeks and dh must be dangling that over her head. I doubt she'll be attending. She won't be able to help herself. I doubt if she can maintain the whole day. I'm too much of a temptation for her.

What else? I'm on Vitamin D therapy and it's making me sick. I don't know if it has anything to do with my headaches or if the headaches are making me nauseated instead of the pills. I take one 50K iu pill a week.

I'm also on a diet. I had gotten down to 132 (with a target weight of 125) but since I started the diet I'm back up to 137. Go figure.

I haven't heard any peepers yet so I guess not. Three times thru glass according to some old wives.

Made a sponge cake this morning. Pineapple/orange. Not even a hint of carob. I'm sure dh will find something wrong with it anyway. He's good at that.

In the process of making bread sans bread machine. First time I ever used the dough hook on the KA. They sure got a workout today. I had both going on the sponge cake. I dragged out the kneading board that Dad made. I love that thing. It has a lip that grabs onto the edge of the table so when I knead the dough the board stays put.
I'm making English Muffins. first time. I'm quivering in anticipation.

I must have an ear or sinus infection again. My teeth are killing me and my ear is itching like crazy. Ibuprofen isn't touching the pain. It's going to make eating the english muffins interesting but I'm willing to grimace and bear it.

Little squirrel wasn't very enthusiastic with brekkie. He's sleeping now and I haven't heard a peep. It's about time to reheat the rice pack. I hope the little bugger pulls through. Nibble the cat climbed up the sweet gum tree to get a squirrel and ran across the nest and babies quite by accident. The mama squirrel tried her best to lure Nibble away but he wasn't playing. He raked the babies out sending them plummeting to the ground. He picked them up and carried them to the azalea clearing and munched down on one immediately. The other he decided to play with for a bit. He soon grew tired and walked away.
On the way to walking dd to the school bus I checked out the carnage and found the little baby still alive with relatively few injuries. I don't expect it to make it unfortunately. It's been eating the puppy formula I've mixed up but not with any great gusto. It's just so tiny. The eyes haven't opened yet and the ears are just starting to open. Baby is still hairless as well. I wish there was some way to get mama and baby back together.

You're gonna cringe when I say this but here goes: I've got 8 cats in the house right now. Yes, I said 8, E I G H T.

• Grendal
• Smudge
• Pip
• Toast
• Orville
• & Wilbur

They are the kittens that I picked up down the road on Halloween. There presence was enough to send Tootsie packing. She moved next door. The new neighbours had just moved in and they left the door open since it was such a nice day... to air the house out and all. Tootsie saw it as an invitation and moved on in. They found her asleep in their bed. That didn't last long and she soon became an "outdoor" cat. She would thumb her nose at us occasionally but keep her distance. Two nights ago it started to sleet and snow. It was really cold so she decided to grace us with her presence once more. It's still cold out. She's currently in the bedroom in her old bed and loving every minute of it.

Nibble doesn't want to sleep in the house that dh built for them either. He's asleep on the chair behind me. Nibble and Tootsie hate each other so they have to be kept separated. The kittens reside in the sunroom most of the time but are allowed to run rampant thru the house when the other cats are outside. They have to stay in the sunroom when Tootsie is visiting. They love Uncle Nibble and won't leave him alone to eat which pisses him off. Literally. He'll start marking his territory throughout the house if all the kittens are out. He tolerates Toast though. Which is good because Toast doesn't like to stay in the sunroom and will throw himself against the french doors repeatedly until I either spray him with water or let him out because he's becoming waterlogged.

And that's how it is at the House of Dander.

All of my plans for Christmas fell thru so I'm sitting home alone waiting for the turkey to cook. Dh and dd went off to spend the day with dh's extended family...an excrutiating event for me. Mom and Dad bailed on me this morning. Yesterday they said they were coming but then it started to rain so....
I baked two different batches of cookies for them and I'm sitting here listening to morose Christmas music and knocking them back one after another. So not what I had planned.

Thought I'd sneak in a coffee before my world is set askew. Dd gets home from school soon and it will be utter chaos here. It's not exactly quiet...the little rooster wants back in the house so bad. He and his brother keep crowing at each other. I had the gray rooster out for a bit. Long enough to clean his house and load him back in. Both feet are shot now and he tips over on his nose when he tries to stand. I don't know what to do with him. I'm going to see if the gang will let the black rooster shack up with them tonight. There really isn't room for both of them in the box now. He'll probably be scared but he'll get over it. I have a feeling I'll have to gurk his brother anyway. The quality of life for a paralyzed chicken probably isn't that great.

Not much else going on. Went to the annual Christmas White Elephant Soiree yesterday. ACK! No booze to be had. Of course, it was only noon. It really wasn't any fun. Dd didn't want to have anything to do with her cousins. I imagine they are still trying to get her to do things. Little bastards. FIL wasn't speaking to anyone. I made a point of walking up to him and speaking pleasantly even though I wanted to tell him to go fuck himself. Dh ignored him. It was so bad that FIL only hit the chow line once because we were sitting right next to it and dh was facing it. At least that's my take on it. FIL has NEVER stopped at one plate before now. All in all it was very uncomfortable. The white elephant gifts this year were crappy. They get cheaper and cheaper every year and now that the little kids are involved we can't "steal" gifts because the kids cry. Granddad "stole" a bag of candy that Matt opened and he started crying so Ann gave it back. Plus, the kids take so long that it really drags it out. My choice turned out to be a bottle of wine and I got to keep it. I thought it was one of the better gifts out there. At least it has a cork.
We gave a set of his and her's dress watches...with diamonds on the face. We've had them for ages and will never use them so we thought we'd class up the game. Scott and Missy brought something from their stash of wedding gifts. Scott proclaimed that they had a closet full of the stuff. You could tell Missy was embarrassed. She finally said that the things just weren't their style. Way to go there...every person in the room had gone to their wedding and given them a gift. Some people have no class whatsoever. She still won't speak to me unless I speak first. I guess I'm beneath her since her family is so fabulously wealthy.

Well, school's out. *sigh* Blessed calm, I'll see you tomorrow...

Some things go really well together. Some don't. Dh can eat a combo of anything. It doesn't matter to him. He'll eat spaghetti with a side of oatmeal. He doesn't care. For me, though, there has to be some semblance of aesthetics...visually as well as good taste. For instance, who is the genius behind peanut butter on celery? Dh could live off of it. It's totally illogical to me and not the least bit appetizing. However, he finds my habit of applesauce on french fries disgusting. That's nothing I just dreamed up on my own. People have been eating potato latkes with applesauce for ages.
Here in the south (aka Virginia) I've seen tons of people putting salt on their apples. All I can say is WTF? But those same people think that the Northern habit of eating sharp cheddar with a hot slice of apple pie is bizarre.
Back when I was still in highschool I was employed as the cook for a tiny tiny restaurant on highway 58. It was simply called THE Restaurant. The cook who trained me put bacon grease in everything. Her husband would come in everyday guzzling a mountain dew with peanuts in it. Twentysix years later and I still can't wrap my head around that one.
Mint flavoured ice cream is another one I don't get. Dh loves it. It tastes like toothpaste to me and mint toothpaste makes me gag. How in hell he can sit there and shovel down a heaping bowlful of that swill is beyond me. Meanwhile, common condiments give him the heebie-jeebies. Mayo is his cryptonite...or whatever was superman's achilles heel. I think I could even get him to puke just by talking about it. That will be an experiment for another time.

Just thought I'd list the schools I went to for future reference.

Kindergarten: Bethlehem Township Grade School (West Portal, NJ Lived in Hampton)
First: BTGS
Second: Must have started the beginning of the school year at BTGS.
Second: Harrison Valley Elementary School (Harrison Valley, PA Lived at the Graves house.) Started late.
Third: HVES (Lived in Ulysses, PA at the Tarbox farm.)
Fourth: HVES First part of year.
Fourth: Back to West Portal, NJ. Lived in house next to BTGS. Was bussed to different township school.
Fifth: Back to BTGS (NJ) for first part of school.
Fifth: Back to HVES (PA) for rest of school year. Ran away from home with Buddy Rhinehart on the last day of school because Mom & Dad told me we were moving again.
Sixth: Stuarts Draft Middle School. (Stuarts Draft, VA Lived on the dairy farm in Staunton, VA) Started school late.
Sixth: Last 6 weeks of school spent at Warren Hills Middle School, Washington, NJ.
Seventh: Riverhead Middle School Greenville, VA Back to the dairy. Started late.
Eighth: Riverhead High School, Greenville, VA
Ninth: Riverheads HS for the first part IIRC
Ninth: Kennard Dale High School, Fawn Grove, PA Lived in Stewartstown, PA
Tenth: KDHS first 6 weeks of school.
Tenth: Tunstall High School, Dry Fork, VA (Lived in Axton, VA)
Eleventh: THS
Twelfth: THS Graduated 1981. (Not since Kindergarten and 1st did I spend two whole years in one school.)

No wonder I have social issues. For a long time I couldn't remember where I was for most of 6th grade. I always thought I spent the last part of 5th at Stuarts Draft Middle School but I remember having Gus K. as my teacher in 5th in PA and also running away. So, it must have been 6th grade. But, why would we leave the dairy farm? I know Mom & Dad were off to Florida looking for property and that's why I was going to school in Jersey. That was a nightmare. Then we came back to the dairy farm and I started school on the hill. I was always getting beat up by those two boys and the teachers would let them. The teachers would always put us together for group projects and I'd get my assed kicked every time. That's about the same time that my brother went off the deep end and started trying to kill me at every opportunity. Those were some tough years.

Ahhh, the breakfast of champions. The coffee is Gevalia Costa Rican Peaberry or something like that. It's a light coffee and I now understand what they mean when they say it has "fruity" undertones. It's tasty but not robust enough for me. If I want wimpy coffee I'll go to Starbucks which always makes my stomach do a slow greasy roll about a half hour after drinking it.

Well, it's December 1st. Time to get all festive and shit. Dh put the lights on the tree. I got the antique ornaments out of the attic. Well, maybe not antique but they are at least 40 years old. I'll probably lose a few this year. Nibble was climbing in the tree the other night. This is his first Christmas with us. Should be interesting. Shopping for him will be easy...he likes brown paper bags and toilet paper tubes. Dh snuck another gift under the tree last night. I'm clueless as to what to get him. Maybe something manly from Lowes. I believe dd is covered. I bought some fleece yesterday to make her a robe and some flannel to make jammies. She wants a pink blanket for her bed, too. I may have to run back to Hancocks to pick something up while it's on sale. I need to go to the Tractor Supply Co. to pick up one of the horse collections. She's been eyeballing my Breyers models and we can't have that. Some of those molds were discontinued. I've had those horses for 30 years at least. It's amazing that they never got broken in all the countless moves that we made. (Note: I remember where I was for 6th grade now. It had to have been Stuarts Draft Middle School. I started 5th at BTGS in NJ. I ended 5th at Harrison Valley ES in PA. I started school late at Stuarts Draft Middle School in VA. I don't know how late or why but I broke my wrist the first day of school. The gym teacher called me a yankee bitch. I ended 6th grade at Warren Hills in NJ. That only lasted 6 weeks.

Damn, gotta go. Dh called and wants me to pick up gymboree stock for the ggo. I've slipped into 3rd place after having held 1st all year.

I changed the template on my blog tonight and noticed that you had left comments on some of my posts. They never showed up on the other template!!! Now I feel all warm and fuzzy because you commented.

Have you tried these things? They are addictive as hell. I love them. Dh beats my time consistently. I don't know how he does it. I've watched him and his logic is out there. I am the Queen of Logic and I can't wrap my head around it.

Soduko

The 5 star puzzles are wicked but doable. I've done one in under 30 minutes which is great for me. Dh did one in 17 IIRC. Bastard. I think it was in retaliation for my having beat him in upwords the other day. I did today's 3 star in 8:52. Not bad. I think that maybe the numbers are intimidating to me. I'm not a big math person. I'm grooving on the music, too. Very restful.

I've got it. Way too much to do and so very little time. I should be on the road right now but I feel like writing is important...more important...and I want to get something down before I go. Even if it's mindless blather for which I am so well known. Riiiight.

I spent a chunk of time this morning on the library site checking to see if they had any of the books that are listed for sale in the pinetree garden seed catalogue. I put a few on reserve. I also perused the mcCall's site and found a few patterns I want to pick up this week while they are only $1.00 each. Not that I'll ever do anything with them you understand. I have a whole collection of patterns that have never been cut and are either way outdated or dd has outgrown them long ago. I can't even give them away at MD. (Although I doubt that has anything to do with the patterns.)

I spent last night googling my ass off trying to find something to do with my IRL time. From ice skating a couple hours a week to a hiking group, yoga every day this week to a sewing class at Hancock's, quilting with the persian pickle girls to a once-a-month writing group at a tiny little bookstore in Chester. I had wanted to do some cycling at the AmFam today but they require a 48 hour sign up. Must be popular. Maybe they should think about expanding, eh?

I think maybe I should volunteer at the library at dd's school. I used to play librarian when I was a kid. I had a card catalogue of all my books and friends had to sign them out when they borrowed them. Yes, I was a geek back then, too. Not as bad as dh though, who keeps a list of books he's read so he won't make the mistake of rereading one. Can you imagine the chaos that would ensue if that were to happen???

Oops...sorry. Drifted off there for a bit with an old issue of Budget Living. April/May 2003. It's on my desk for some reason...maybe the fountain in the livestock watering tank article. Hmmmm, wonder if that would make a good goldfish pond if I slapped a liner in it? Eh, never happen. Dh is concerned because I hauled out the little chicken house for the roosters yesterday. It's sitting in front of the garage and he doesn't like the looks of it. Too bad. Reminds me: I need to get another clear vinyl shower curtain to use as a cover for the short run. It's working beautifully on the big chicken house run. The air is heated in the covered run and it enters the insulated box where it's trapped. Very snuggly in there. A nice place to curl up for a nap if it weren't for all the chicken shit. Tootsie doesn't seem to mind it in the nest box. Good to know the birds will be warm as long as the sun is out.

My head aches and I feel queasy. Dd didn't feel well this morning so she went back to bed. I checked up on her periodically and asked her if she felt like she had to throw up. She said no. Five minutes later, as dh and I were eating lunch, we heard an awful noise and then dd started crying and screaming. She had barfed all over herself and the bed. I still haven't finished the laundry from where she wet the bed on Wednesday. I'm having a hard time catching up. Everything got wet including the bedskirt. She's had a hard couple of days. Anyway, I got her in the bathtub and she puked several times during her bath and several times after. I made her some ginger twist tea hoping it would settle her stomach but she puked several times after that, too. I fixed her up a bed on the floor and plugged in her Barbie movies and she settled down and went to sleep. She had applesauce for supper and managed to keep it down so far. My poor baby is so listless and pale.
My head has been pounding for a couple of hours now. Dh whipped through the 5star sudoku in 17:22. I did it under 30 minutes the first time but can't seem to wrap my head around it again. I just can't concentrate. I did give him a sound thrashing in upwords though.
Bleh... I can't even concentrate on this.
Nibble got in another fight this afternoon. I went down the street calling for him and some guy came running up asking if I found a cat. I told him I heard a couple fighting. He said some white cat was tangling with his cat all the time. I told him the white cat was mine. I mentioned that Nibble was always coming home bloodied up and the guy said he was glad that he got as good as he gave because his cat had received a fairly deep gash. Then he said "That is not going to be allowed to continue." WTF??? What does he intend on doing about it? I've had to take my cat to the vet already from fighting with his cat. It comes up into our yard and spends so much time next door with Charlie that I thought it was one of his cats. The guy made it sound as if it was all Nibble's doing. Nibble was trying to get away from his cat. Whatever. I guess we all feel a little punchy in this house today.

I spent yesterday on my dead ass. I hardly did anything at all. I may have been retaliating against dh's bonehead argument but I think in reality I was just being lazy. So, I surfed the web for hours. I was looking for something...anything...that would give me the answers I need. I found a great site:
43 things

and spent a large chunk of time looking at all the things other people were wanting to do but not actually doing. Kind of depressing but also kind of liberating to know that I'm not the only one unfulfilled in my life. So I started my list but only made it to 10 so far. I'll try to link it here later when I can concentrate. Right now I'm thinking about too many things.

I also checked out myspace.com and several blogs and saw all the wonderfully creative ideas people put into them and remembered that I used to be creative...once upon a time. The rut that I've gotten myself into has extremely steep sides and I'm having trouble crawling out. Hell, I can't even see over the edge some days. Maybe if I started digging I'd come out the other side.
I used to think that if I did enough different things in my life I would have something in common with more people and that I'd have more friends. Like, I'd be able to talk to someone about the view from the Eiffel Tower or the taste of real italian Pizza straight from the oven in Firenze. Or, watching the sun rise over the Blue Ridge Parkway burning off the mist as it climbs higher. Or, what a dolphin's skin feels like. Or, what it's like watching a calf being born. Or, how to incubate eggs. Or, what it felt like to be at Stonehenge. I've had a wild ride to say the least. So many memories to share...
But it didn't work out that way.

Boy, was I put in my place this evening. This is the weekend and as every weekend since we moved up here dh puttered around and did his thing...fixing this, tweaking that, but not exerting himself in any way. I was doing laundry, washing dishes, cleaning the floors, making the beds, cleaning the mirrors, dusting, etc. The same normal freaking menial labour that I do every day of my life.
Dh took dd out to do his errands this morning. He left around 10:45. I couldn't go with them. He said he was going to do his Christmas shopping. Plus, he was going to go to Lowe's and then the grocery store. Target was his destination. He was back home at precisely 12:00. With the Sunday traffic I imagine he spent 15 minutes per store to get his shopping done.

Anyway, back to my ego...
At 3:00 it's happy time. He parks his ass in the beach chair and pops the top on a cold one. He urged me to join him so I got a cup of coffee and headed out. We waited until the sun dipped behind the trees and the temperature dropped. We go inside, play a game of cards and complete a geography quiz in the paper. At that point he packs everything up and begins his evening personal chores. I go outside to fill the chicken's food pan, make sure they have water and shut them up for the night. Then I have to get the two chicks into their pen and bring it in the house. Then I have to break down their daytime camp, get them scratch and water and set them up for the night. Then I have to sweep the library floor since dh did the bulk of his puttering in there today. I have to bring in any plants I have outside since it'll freeze tonight. Then I have to get dd's backpack loaded for school tomorrow. Meanwhile, dh is out of the shower and he draws dd's bath for her. I unload the dryer and fold the clothes. Then I get dd's jammies ready for her.
Time to cook supper. I had thawed out a lb. of sausage. I had planned on cooking up some angel hair pasta but the pan and the strainer needed to be washed. Dh was now ensconced in the lazyboy recliner, the remote in one hand searching for sports of any kind and his crossword puzzle in the other.
"Hey 'dh', could you help me?" I needed to chop up some peppers and onions. Since he didn't put in 8 hours at the office I felt it was fair that he help make dinner. "Can you wash the spaghetti pot and strainer for me?"
"Don't you have another pot?" he asks.
"No, I always use that pan."
Blah blah blah. So then he decides that there are enough leftovers in the fridge that I don't have to cook except maybe a little something for myself. Somehow the argument turns really bad. He suggests that I don't like to cook, that he's never asked me to cook, and won't ever ask me to help him because he knows I don't want to. I guess that means I shouldn't have asked him to help me.
So he paints me as a lazy shiftless bitch. I shouldn't have asked him to wash a damn pot because he wouldn't ask me to do it. Logical.
I got a cup of tea and sat down at the computer. Suddenly he wants me to cook the spaghetti. He offers to wash the pot. "It's too late now. You said I didn't have to cook." Dd calls from the bathroom for her daddy. I fight the urge to go check on her. Finally dh asks me what she wants. "I don't know. She's calling for you." He checks on her and then tells me she just asked him a question and I should have gone and answered it for her. "She wasn't calling for me." I replied. Dd calls me to help her dry her hair and I fix her up while dh is getting their supper ready. I take my shower right after. When I get out dh has washed all the dishes. He apologizes.
It still stings tho. I told him it wasn't fair that he gets to quit at 5 everyday (3 on the weekends) and I never get to. Not until after he's fallen asleep in front of the tv. Some nights I'm still tending to laundry at midnight. He said that I was sitting down at 3 also. "But," I said, "I have to go back to work. You never do." If I got a job outside the home I'd still be working when I got home.

No, not really. Very pleasant day today...weatherwise. The little chickens enjoyed their time outside in their playpen. Dh fixed the 14' shelf in the library today. It pisses me off so bad to have to go behind a so-called professional and redo the work that we paid them to do. The interior work was done by the second contractor who dared us to sue him as he walked off the job. Never again. We have a fantastic plumber but all the rest of the "contractors" are worthless.

I did a load of laundry and baked two banana breads. Tried to "health" it up a bit. Cut the oil in half and used applesauce for part. Also sprinkled toasted wheat germ on the top of the loaves as they were baking. Very tasty but the loaves cracked very badly this time around. I had intended on making some cookies as well but I really can't get anything done when both dh and dd are home. They both require so much attention and a ton of validation. In fact, dh is sulking right now because I raised my tone of voice to him earlier and that apparently hurt his feelings. We had a conversation just yesterday about how overly sensitive he is and how I'm not allowed to express my feelings if they happen to be negative in fear of hurting his feelings. I dare not criticize nor raise my voice or else dh will give me the cold shoulder until he can talk himself thru it and then lecture me about it. It's a real pita. My feelings don't account for shit in this house.
What was the argument about you ask? We had pasta for supper. There were some ravioli leftover from a couple of days ago. Dh asked me if I wanted a couple with my other pasta. I said, "yes". I'm busy getting dd's plate ready the way she likes it so I don't have world war 3 on my hands.
Dh asks, "do you want a couple of these ravioli?"
"I said yes!" Well, apparently it was a tad snippy. I didn't think so but I do so hate for someone to re-ask a question because they didn't bother listening to the answer the first time around.
"It was just a question. You don't need to snap at me," dh said, looking like I just killed his dog.
And so on and so on ad nauseum.

Sometimes I just want to run away from home.

Oh hell, just read the last entry again. Nothing different. Mom sent me an email to tell me what she had for breakfast. A bagel. I was riveted.
I put flannel on the beds today and washed a load of clothes. I decided to hang all of dd's clothes so she could pick out her own outfit without pulling everything out of the dresser and leaving it piled on the floor. Got a note from the teacher today. It seems dd was VERY moody today and barely escaped a yellow light. Tell me something I don't know lady. When is she not moody? That's what I'd like to know. This kid isn't even 6 yo and she's got a huge chip on her shoulder already. I can't wait for her teen years. I didn't even get a kiss goodnight. She's probably pissed because I cleaned her room today. I really cleaned it, too. On Monday, while she's in school, it's going to get even cleaner. ;o|

Forgot to mention that I got my first seed catalogue of the season a couple of days ago. Once upon a time they would at least wait until January to send them out. It's like Christmas trees. Back in the day you wouldn't see Christmas tree lots until December but I saw a fully loaded tree back in the beginning of October. And there were a bunch of cut trees outside the Food Lion today. Have people become desperate for the Christmas feeling? Last year I can't recall seeing and/or hearing a single bell ringer. They used to be all over the place...annoying actually. Maybe they're all rung out.

Something weird did happen today. I was choking. Badly. I couldn't breathe. I was gagging. Tears were pouring down my face. Fairly typical with this cold I've had. After I get rid of all this snot and mucous I swear I'll be wearing a size 5. Anyway, as I was struggling, dh kept telling me to drink some water. I knew that wasn't going to help. I had to clear the passage and water wasn't going to do it. And suddenly my grandmother's face flashed into my mind and I remembered her saying to eat a chunk of bread with butter on it. So I did. And I could breathe again. The bread was like a plunger pushing all that crap out of the way. Worked like a charm. I miss that old woman. She died in 1981.

It's cold in this house. It's going to dip down into the 20s tonight. I need to bring the Christmas tree in so it doesn't get zapped. That's a 2-person job tho. I need to go dig out the birdbath heater but first I need to replace the damned birdbath. I've been looking for a couple of months now fruitlessly. I don't want to pay $50-$100 for a freestanding birdbath when I have a perfectly good pedestal already. I'll probably end up fabricating it out of some piece of crap I've got laying out in the barn/garage. It won't be pretty but it will be functional which is the important thing.
I wrapped the chicken "run" in clear vinyl and closed the end off with a piece of rigid insulation (blueboard) and it's rather nice and toasty in there when the sun is out. I don't know what to do with the two chicks. They're not old enough to be added to the flock yet and they haven't sufficient feathers yet to withstand next week's hard freezes. They didn't go out yesterday because of the threat of violent weather. Today may be their last day out for some time. I covered part of their run as well so they will have a windblock if nothing else. I seriously don't want them in the library for the winter...particularly since they have started crowing. Kung Pao insisted on coming into the library yesterday to lay her egg. It was comical really. She scrabbles round and round trying to make a nest in the box while her two kids sit back and trill rather sweetly. (My house really isn't a barn as you may think. The chickens are in a sterlite storage container covered with a wire top. They are bantams so they are very small and the box is large.)

I'm killing time until the library opens at 10:00. I have some books on hold that I need to pick up. I also have the first season of LOST on hold. (claps with mad glee) I didn't really like the episode of LOST last night. The first 48 days for the tail section survivors... It's really hard to care about those people since they've been so shitty to Michael, Sawyer, and Jin. And then to have that raving bitch shoot Shannon.... Yes, I love LOST. Dh sends me emails from work with little tidbits from the show as he comes across them on the web. He's such a sweety.

I think I may go to Hancock's today as well. I'm in the mood to sew and I still need to make those draft dodgers even though dh replaced all the thresholds and we got a new stormdoor. I'm sure I've got enough scrap fabric to make them but I've been holed up in this house for way too long and I need to get out before I go mad. Besides, I told the kid I would make her a princess dress to replace the one that didn't fit (Halloween). If I don't follow thru I'll never hear the end of it. How can I expect her to complete her projects when I don't complete my own. Doink.

I need to work on the book today, too. I had a brainstorm last night and I want to get cracking on it. It's so liberating not having that lawsuit looming over my head all the time. I don't have to feel guilty doing something that I want to do instead of preparing our case. Not to say that it's over because we still have to collect but there is a definite plan in place now. I used to be a debt collector (Asset Recovery Systems) and was quite successful. The pen is a very powerful tool.

Here I sit with a million and one things I could be doing... instead I waste my time with my pathetic ramblings in a blog that doesn't even hold my interest.

I discovered this morning that both of the chicks that Kung Pao hatched are roosters. What luck. Kung Pao is busily grinding away under the hosta in the shade garden...she dug a hole there last week and I found an egg there yesterday. She also has a nest in the chocolate mint barrel and another one in the barn that I fixed up for her. That's the nice one and the one she uses the least. She's the only hen laying at the moment. If ShrinkyDink is nesting somewhere I'll never find it since her eggs are so small. Fluffy has gone broody and I lift her off the nest several times a day. I was hoping that at least one of the new chicks would be a hen. Oh well.
I gave Peck away and the lady hasn't brought my carrier back yet like she said she would. I guess I'll have to go get it.
The new little roosters are busily practicing their crowing out in the library, which can hardly be called the library anymore since dh took the book shelf down. Their tinny little voices are like nails on a chalkboard. Literally. I love birds. Really. But I have to say that chickens aren't anything more than bags of shit rolled in feathers.

Why the pathetic rambling you ask? (or maybe you don't)...
I'm at a loss of what to do with my time. Yesterday dh had his day in court appealing our previous case against the contractor. He won! I can hardly get excited about the outcome. We got less than half of what we were asking and it took 1½ years to get this far with no guarantee that we will ever see a nickel of it. But, strangely enough, I'm satisfied. It was just so anticlimactic. One of the co-defendants didn't even bother to show up. Our witness is incarcerated in another county. I guess if we had his testimony we would have gotten more but we were told we would have to resubmit a subpoena (for another $12 since the judge was sick and changed the hearing date) and we didn't have time since we just found out he was in lockup. Plus, we would have had to file additional reports and pay more fees (sheriff's time and transportation costs) and having a convict as your "expert witness" doesn't really go in one's favour. Oh well. Live and Learn.

What else? I've failed miserably at NaNoWriMo yet again. No surprise there. I left Mama-Drama two weeks ago and nobody noticed. I logged in yesterday to check the admin panel and read a few posts and noticed that everything was basically the same as when I left. Literally SCDD. That's rather anticlimactic as well. I had hoped after putting in the time that I have at MD and the work that I put into it that I would have at least one friend on the board who would notice my absense. I think I'll always be invisible no matter what I do. Now that I have all this free time on my hands maybe I can devote some of it toward adding hacks to MD. Or maybe I won't. I don't think anyone cares. MD is not what I had hoped it would be. It's either high drama or benign posts with very little in between. I had hoped that it would become a board where women could exchange ideas, could debate different subjects, discuss current events. It's either fluff or flagellation.