I changed the template on my blog tonight and noticed that you had left comments on some of my posts. They never showed up on the other template!!! Now I feel all warm and fuzzy because you commented.

Have you tried these things? They are addictive as hell. I love them. Dh beats my time consistently. I don't know how he does it. I've watched him and his logic is out there. I am the Queen of Logic and I can't wrap my head around it.

Soduko

The 5 star puzzles are wicked but doable. I've done one in under 30 minutes which is great for me. Dh did one in 17 IIRC. Bastard. I think it was in retaliation for my having beat him in upwords the other day. I did today's 3 star in 8:52. Not bad. I think that maybe the numbers are intimidating to me. I'm not a big math person. I'm grooving on the music, too. Very restful.

I've got it. Way too much to do and so very little time. I should be on the road right now but I feel like writing is important...more important...and I want to get something down before I go. Even if it's mindless blather for which I am so well known. Riiiight.

I spent a chunk of time this morning on the library site checking to see if they had any of the books that are listed for sale in the pinetree garden seed catalogue. I put a few on reserve. I also perused the mcCall's site and found a few patterns I want to pick up this week while they are only $1.00 each. Not that I'll ever do anything with them you understand. I have a whole collection of patterns that have never been cut and are either way outdated or dd has outgrown them long ago. I can't even give them away at MD. (Although I doubt that has anything to do with the patterns.)

I spent last night googling my ass off trying to find something to do with my IRL time. From ice skating a couple hours a week to a hiking group, yoga every day this week to a sewing class at Hancock's, quilting with the persian pickle girls to a once-a-month writing group at a tiny little bookstore in Chester. I had wanted to do some cycling at the AmFam today but they require a 48 hour sign up. Must be popular. Maybe they should think about expanding, eh?

I think maybe I should volunteer at the library at dd's school. I used to play librarian when I was a kid. I had a card catalogue of all my books and friends had to sign them out when they borrowed them. Yes, I was a geek back then, too. Not as bad as dh though, who keeps a list of books he's read so he won't make the mistake of rereading one. Can you imagine the chaos that would ensue if that were to happen???

Oops...sorry. Drifted off there for a bit with an old issue of Budget Living. April/May 2003. It's on my desk for some reason...maybe the fountain in the livestock watering tank article. Hmmmm, wonder if that would make a good goldfish pond if I slapped a liner in it? Eh, never happen. Dh is concerned because I hauled out the little chicken house for the roosters yesterday. It's sitting in front of the garage and he doesn't like the looks of it. Too bad. Reminds me: I need to get another clear vinyl shower curtain to use as a cover for the short run. It's working beautifully on the big chicken house run. The air is heated in the covered run and it enters the insulated box where it's trapped. Very snuggly in there. A nice place to curl up for a nap if it weren't for all the chicken shit. Tootsie doesn't seem to mind it in the nest box. Good to know the birds will be warm as long as the sun is out.

My head aches and I feel queasy. Dd didn't feel well this morning so she went back to bed. I checked up on her periodically and asked her if she felt like she had to throw up. She said no. Five minutes later, as dh and I were eating lunch, we heard an awful noise and then dd started crying and screaming. She had barfed all over herself and the bed. I still haven't finished the laundry from where she wet the bed on Wednesday. I'm having a hard time catching up. Everything got wet including the bedskirt. She's had a hard couple of days. Anyway, I got her in the bathtub and she puked several times during her bath and several times after. I made her some ginger twist tea hoping it would settle her stomach but she puked several times after that, too. I fixed her up a bed on the floor and plugged in her Barbie movies and she settled down and went to sleep. She had applesauce for supper and managed to keep it down so far. My poor baby is so listless and pale.
My head has been pounding for a couple of hours now. Dh whipped through the 5star sudoku in 17:22. I did it under 30 minutes the first time but can't seem to wrap my head around it again. I just can't concentrate. I did give him a sound thrashing in upwords though.
Bleh... I can't even concentrate on this.
Nibble got in another fight this afternoon. I went down the street calling for him and some guy came running up asking if I found a cat. I told him I heard a couple fighting. He said some white cat was tangling with his cat all the time. I told him the white cat was mine. I mentioned that Nibble was always coming home bloodied up and the guy said he was glad that he got as good as he gave because his cat had received a fairly deep gash. Then he said "That is not going to be allowed to continue." WTF??? What does he intend on doing about it? I've had to take my cat to the vet already from fighting with his cat. It comes up into our yard and spends so much time next door with Charlie that I thought it was one of his cats. The guy made it sound as if it was all Nibble's doing. Nibble was trying to get away from his cat. Whatever. I guess we all feel a little punchy in this house today.

I spent yesterday on my dead ass. I hardly did anything at all. I may have been retaliating against dh's bonehead argument but I think in reality I was just being lazy. So, I surfed the web for hours. I was looking for something...anything...that would give me the answers I need. I found a great site:
43 things

and spent a large chunk of time looking at all the things other people were wanting to do but not actually doing. Kind of depressing but also kind of liberating to know that I'm not the only one unfulfilled in my life. So I started my list but only made it to 10 so far. I'll try to link it here later when I can concentrate. Right now I'm thinking about too many things.

I also checked out myspace.com and several blogs and saw all the wonderfully creative ideas people put into them and remembered that I used to be creative...once upon a time. The rut that I've gotten myself into has extremely steep sides and I'm having trouble crawling out. Hell, I can't even see over the edge some days. Maybe if I started digging I'd come out the other side.
I used to think that if I did enough different things in my life I would have something in common with more people and that I'd have more friends. Like, I'd be able to talk to someone about the view from the Eiffel Tower or the taste of real italian Pizza straight from the oven in Firenze. Or, watching the sun rise over the Blue Ridge Parkway burning off the mist as it climbs higher. Or, what a dolphin's skin feels like. Or, what it's like watching a calf being born. Or, how to incubate eggs. Or, what it felt like to be at Stonehenge. I've had a wild ride to say the least. So many memories to share...
But it didn't work out that way.

Boy, was I put in my place this evening. This is the weekend and as every weekend since we moved up here dh puttered around and did his thing...fixing this, tweaking that, but not exerting himself in any way. I was doing laundry, washing dishes, cleaning the floors, making the beds, cleaning the mirrors, dusting, etc. The same normal freaking menial labour that I do every day of my life.
Dh took dd out to do his errands this morning. He left around 10:45. I couldn't go with them. He said he was going to do his Christmas shopping. Plus, he was going to go to Lowe's and then the grocery store. Target was his destination. He was back home at precisely 12:00. With the Sunday traffic I imagine he spent 15 minutes per store to get his shopping done.

Anyway, back to my ego...
At 3:00 it's happy time. He parks his ass in the beach chair and pops the top on a cold one. He urged me to join him so I got a cup of coffee and headed out. We waited until the sun dipped behind the trees and the temperature dropped. We go inside, play a game of cards and complete a geography quiz in the paper. At that point he packs everything up and begins his evening personal chores. I go outside to fill the chicken's food pan, make sure they have water and shut them up for the night. Then I have to get the two chicks into their pen and bring it in the house. Then I have to break down their daytime camp, get them scratch and water and set them up for the night. Then I have to sweep the library floor since dh did the bulk of his puttering in there today. I have to bring in any plants I have outside since it'll freeze tonight. Then I have to get dd's backpack loaded for school tomorrow. Meanwhile, dh is out of the shower and he draws dd's bath for her. I unload the dryer and fold the clothes. Then I get dd's jammies ready for her.
Time to cook supper. I had thawed out a lb. of sausage. I had planned on cooking up some angel hair pasta but the pan and the strainer needed to be washed. Dh was now ensconced in the lazyboy recliner, the remote in one hand searching for sports of any kind and his crossword puzzle in the other.
"Hey 'dh', could you help me?" I needed to chop up some peppers and onions. Since he didn't put in 8 hours at the office I felt it was fair that he help make dinner. "Can you wash the spaghetti pot and strainer for me?"
"Don't you have another pot?" he asks.
"No, I always use that pan."
Blah blah blah. So then he decides that there are enough leftovers in the fridge that I don't have to cook except maybe a little something for myself. Somehow the argument turns really bad. He suggests that I don't like to cook, that he's never asked me to cook, and won't ever ask me to help him because he knows I don't want to. I guess that means I shouldn't have asked him to help me.
So he paints me as a lazy shiftless bitch. I shouldn't have asked him to wash a damn pot because he wouldn't ask me to do it. Logical.
I got a cup of tea and sat down at the computer. Suddenly he wants me to cook the spaghetti. He offers to wash the pot. "It's too late now. You said I didn't have to cook." Dd calls from the bathroom for her daddy. I fight the urge to go check on her. Finally dh asks me what she wants. "I don't know. She's calling for you." He checks on her and then tells me she just asked him a question and I should have gone and answered it for her. "She wasn't calling for me." I replied. Dd calls me to help her dry her hair and I fix her up while dh is getting their supper ready. I take my shower right after. When I get out dh has washed all the dishes. He apologizes.
It still stings tho. I told him it wasn't fair that he gets to quit at 5 everyday (3 on the weekends) and I never get to. Not until after he's fallen asleep in front of the tv. Some nights I'm still tending to laundry at midnight. He said that I was sitting down at 3 also. "But," I said, "I have to go back to work. You never do." If I got a job outside the home I'd still be working when I got home.

No, not really. Very pleasant day today...weatherwise. The little chickens enjoyed their time outside in their playpen. Dh fixed the 14' shelf in the library today. It pisses me off so bad to have to go behind a so-called professional and redo the work that we paid them to do. The interior work was done by the second contractor who dared us to sue him as he walked off the job. Never again. We have a fantastic plumber but all the rest of the "contractors" are worthless.

I did a load of laundry and baked two banana breads. Tried to "health" it up a bit. Cut the oil in half and used applesauce for part. Also sprinkled toasted wheat germ on the top of the loaves as they were baking. Very tasty but the loaves cracked very badly this time around. I had intended on making some cookies as well but I really can't get anything done when both dh and dd are home. They both require so much attention and a ton of validation. In fact, dh is sulking right now because I raised my tone of voice to him earlier and that apparently hurt his feelings. We had a conversation just yesterday about how overly sensitive he is and how I'm not allowed to express my feelings if they happen to be negative in fear of hurting his feelings. I dare not criticize nor raise my voice or else dh will give me the cold shoulder until he can talk himself thru it and then lecture me about it. It's a real pita. My feelings don't account for shit in this house.
What was the argument about you ask? We had pasta for supper. There were some ravioli leftover from a couple of days ago. Dh asked me if I wanted a couple with my other pasta. I said, "yes". I'm busy getting dd's plate ready the way she likes it so I don't have world war 3 on my hands.
Dh asks, "do you want a couple of these ravioli?"
"I said yes!" Well, apparently it was a tad snippy. I didn't think so but I do so hate for someone to re-ask a question because they didn't bother listening to the answer the first time around.
"It was just a question. You don't need to snap at me," dh said, looking like I just killed his dog.
And so on and so on ad nauseum.

Sometimes I just want to run away from home.

Oh hell, just read the last entry again. Nothing different. Mom sent me an email to tell me what she had for breakfast. A bagel. I was riveted.
I put flannel on the beds today and washed a load of clothes. I decided to hang all of dd's clothes so she could pick out her own outfit without pulling everything out of the dresser and leaving it piled on the floor. Got a note from the teacher today. It seems dd was VERY moody today and barely escaped a yellow light. Tell me something I don't know lady. When is she not moody? That's what I'd like to know. This kid isn't even 6 yo and she's got a huge chip on her shoulder already. I can't wait for her teen years. I didn't even get a kiss goodnight. She's probably pissed because I cleaned her room today. I really cleaned it, too. On Monday, while she's in school, it's going to get even cleaner. ;o|

Forgot to mention that I got my first seed catalogue of the season a couple of days ago. Once upon a time they would at least wait until January to send them out. It's like Christmas trees. Back in the day you wouldn't see Christmas tree lots until December but I saw a fully loaded tree back in the beginning of October. And there were a bunch of cut trees outside the Food Lion today. Have people become desperate for the Christmas feeling? Last year I can't recall seeing and/or hearing a single bell ringer. They used to be all over the place...annoying actually. Maybe they're all rung out.

Something weird did happen today. I was choking. Badly. I couldn't breathe. I was gagging. Tears were pouring down my face. Fairly typical with this cold I've had. After I get rid of all this snot and mucous I swear I'll be wearing a size 5. Anyway, as I was struggling, dh kept telling me to drink some water. I knew that wasn't going to help. I had to clear the passage and water wasn't going to do it. And suddenly my grandmother's face flashed into my mind and I remembered her saying to eat a chunk of bread with butter on it. So I did. And I could breathe again. The bread was like a plunger pushing all that crap out of the way. Worked like a charm. I miss that old woman. She died in 1981.

It's cold in this house. It's going to dip down into the 20s tonight. I need to bring the Christmas tree in so it doesn't get zapped. That's a 2-person job tho. I need to go dig out the birdbath heater but first I need to replace the damned birdbath. I've been looking for a couple of months now fruitlessly. I don't want to pay $50-$100 for a freestanding birdbath when I have a perfectly good pedestal already. I'll probably end up fabricating it out of some piece of crap I've got laying out in the barn/garage. It won't be pretty but it will be functional which is the important thing.
I wrapped the chicken "run" in clear vinyl and closed the end off with a piece of rigid insulation (blueboard) and it's rather nice and toasty in there when the sun is out. I don't know what to do with the two chicks. They're not old enough to be added to the flock yet and they haven't sufficient feathers yet to withstand next week's hard freezes. They didn't go out yesterday because of the threat of violent weather. Today may be their last day out for some time. I covered part of their run as well so they will have a windblock if nothing else. I seriously don't want them in the library for the winter...particularly since they have started crowing. Kung Pao insisted on coming into the library yesterday to lay her egg. It was comical really. She scrabbles round and round trying to make a nest in the box while her two kids sit back and trill rather sweetly. (My house really isn't a barn as you may think. The chickens are in a sterlite storage container covered with a wire top. They are bantams so they are very small and the box is large.)

I'm killing time until the library opens at 10:00. I have some books on hold that I need to pick up. I also have the first season of LOST on hold. (claps with mad glee) I didn't really like the episode of LOST last night. The first 48 days for the tail section survivors... It's really hard to care about those people since they've been so shitty to Michael, Sawyer, and Jin. And then to have that raving bitch shoot Shannon.... Yes, I love LOST. Dh sends me emails from work with little tidbits from the show as he comes across them on the web. He's such a sweety.

I think I may go to Hancock's today as well. I'm in the mood to sew and I still need to make those draft dodgers even though dh replaced all the thresholds and we got a new stormdoor. I'm sure I've got enough scrap fabric to make them but I've been holed up in this house for way too long and I need to get out before I go mad. Besides, I told the kid I would make her a princess dress to replace the one that didn't fit (Halloween). If I don't follow thru I'll never hear the end of it. How can I expect her to complete her projects when I don't complete my own. Doink.

I need to work on the book today, too. I had a brainstorm last night and I want to get cracking on it. It's so liberating not having that lawsuit looming over my head all the time. I don't have to feel guilty doing something that I want to do instead of preparing our case. Not to say that it's over because we still have to collect but there is a definite plan in place now. I used to be a debt collector (Asset Recovery Systems) and was quite successful. The pen is a very powerful tool.

Here I sit with a million and one things I could be doing... instead I waste my time with my pathetic ramblings in a blog that doesn't even hold my interest.

I discovered this morning that both of the chicks that Kung Pao hatched are roosters. What luck. Kung Pao is busily grinding away under the hosta in the shade garden...she dug a hole there last week and I found an egg there yesterday. She also has a nest in the chocolate mint barrel and another one in the barn that I fixed up for her. That's the nice one and the one she uses the least. She's the only hen laying at the moment. If ShrinkyDink is nesting somewhere I'll never find it since her eggs are so small. Fluffy has gone broody and I lift her off the nest several times a day. I was hoping that at least one of the new chicks would be a hen. Oh well.
I gave Peck away and the lady hasn't brought my carrier back yet like she said she would. I guess I'll have to go get it.
The new little roosters are busily practicing their crowing out in the library, which can hardly be called the library anymore since dh took the book shelf down. Their tinny little voices are like nails on a chalkboard. Literally. I love birds. Really. But I have to say that chickens aren't anything more than bags of shit rolled in feathers.

Why the pathetic rambling you ask? (or maybe you don't)...
I'm at a loss of what to do with my time. Yesterday dh had his day in court appealing our previous case against the contractor. He won! I can hardly get excited about the outcome. We got less than half of what we were asking and it took 1½ years to get this far with no guarantee that we will ever see a nickel of it. But, strangely enough, I'm satisfied. It was just so anticlimactic. One of the co-defendants didn't even bother to show up. Our witness is incarcerated in another county. I guess if we had his testimony we would have gotten more but we were told we would have to resubmit a subpoena (for another $12 since the judge was sick and changed the hearing date) and we didn't have time since we just found out he was in lockup. Plus, we would have had to file additional reports and pay more fees (sheriff's time and transportation costs) and having a convict as your "expert witness" doesn't really go in one's favour. Oh well. Live and Learn.

What else? I've failed miserably at NaNoWriMo yet again. No surprise there. I left Mama-Drama two weeks ago and nobody noticed. I logged in yesterday to check the admin panel and read a few posts and noticed that everything was basically the same as when I left. Literally SCDD. That's rather anticlimactic as well. I had hoped after putting in the time that I have at MD and the work that I put into it that I would have at least one friend on the board who would notice my absense. I think I'll always be invisible no matter what I do. Now that I have all this free time on my hands maybe I can devote some of it toward adding hacks to MD. Or maybe I won't. I don't think anyone cares. MD is not what I had hoped it would be. It's either high drama or benign posts with very little in between. I had hoped that it would become a board where women could exchange ideas, could debate different subjects, discuss current events. It's either fluff or flagellation.

Went to our first Parent/Teacher conference today. Dh took time off from work to attend. As we were walking down the hall to the classroom he said he didn't want me getting in the teacher's face. WTF? I know how to conduct myself properly. His attitude floored me. I told him I was going to strongly suggest that dd be put into an accelerated reading program since she is reading chapter books and the teacher had told dd that she wasn't ready for them yet.

According to the teacher dd has excelled at everything and is at the top of the class. She tested 100% on nearly everything. She misspelled one word out of 20 and she only needed a 4 to pass. The teacher was gushing. She said that dd was reading from the 1st grade reading list and that she was going to put her in an accelerated reading group next week. No prompting from me at all. I'm so proud. Dh said he was extremely impressed. High praise coming from him.

I've got a terrible habit of holding onto things well past their usefulness. Held until it is meaningless beyond sentimentality. Do these things make me feel safe? Do they make me feel like I'm any less alone?
I'm 42 and I have a stranglehold on the past. I should have noticed long ago that I was wasting my time, that, as always, nothing good would come of it.
15 years ago I stepped away from my life. I boarded a plane and touched down 9 hours later on foreign soil. I was reborn. It was glorious.
Well, the cocoon I've woven around myself in the past 8 years has started to constrict my breathing. I've been tearing away at it until my fingers are bloodied and I'm ready to fly. There will be no 9 hour flight this time however.

Saw a great movie the other night...The Village. Really creepy. I kind of guessed that all wasn't as it appeared but it still shocked me and also left me with some unanswered questions. Dh took it back to the library yesterday but I put a hold on it again. I'm number seven of seven requests. It may be awhile before I see it again.

So, here I am preparing myself for another boring, long, uneventful day. I'll read the court procedure book and get pissed off at the contractor again...just like yesterday and the day before. I'm burnt out on it. We can't do it without a lawyer and we can't afford a lawyer. The one that worked with dh during the equalization hearings told him that it would cost him nearly everything that we may gain so it wasn't worth it. I don't understand the system. There is a con artist out there ripping people off...repeatedly...and since they aren't knocking down big $$$ per scam they are basically untouchable. Meanwhile, there are government employees out there enabling them. It makes me sick.

Here it is November. It will get nearly 80 degrees today. The mornings are beautifully crisp. We haven't had a frost yet but I'll have to bring the plants in next week probably. I have several geraniums (pelargoniums?) and a couple of lemon verbenas. Plus, the Christmas tree. I don't know where I'm going to put them since the chickens are still in the room. The chicks are just now getting their adult feathers and they look really ratty. Mom calls them teenagers when they are at this stage. Kung Pao would be able to keep them warm during the night but she'd be likely to run off with the grownups at first light and mornings are much too cold for them. I need to call the neighbour and ask her if she still wants Peck. Dh really wants me to get rid of Trouble since he's become so agressive. Neither of them bother me except with their miserable crowing all the time but Peck attacks dd and Trouble attacks dh so I need to let them go. I guess I should do that today. I hate to do it. For all I know they may become Thanksgiving dinner.

This is Day ONE of NaNoWriMo. I don't know if I have 6 pages in me today but I think I'll try. Maybe it will help improve my outlook which has been in the toilet lately. Better get cracking on it if I'm going to do it.....