I just got done listening to a radio interview with A. J. Jacobs. He was fascinating and funny and so I naturally googled him and read some of his blog. I can't wait to read his new book, The Year of Living Biblically. (If I knew how to underline the title I would.)
He sounds like a more feminine David Spade so he has that going for him as well.

The concept of devoting an entire year to an experiment in order to write about it is so foreign to me. I'd love to be able to commit to something like that but if I could condense it into a week it still probably wouldn't be doable for me. Guess that's why I'll never be a serious writer. I can barely commit to this blog. I don't have a problem with committing. I did commit several years to admining Mama-Drama but that was only because I thought I was needed and respected by my fellow admin. In retrospect I should have realized, from past experience, that that was not the case. I was merely "convenient" like certain mods are now. They'll see how important they really are once they are no longer needed, like Andrea.

Hey, maybe I should write a book about the social tapestry of online mama communities and the eat or get eaten mentality that permeates the bid for acceptance and popularity therein. Hmmmmm. They'll never make a movie about it but it's got all the gratuitous sex and violence needed for what passes as entertainment these days. Pole dancing, extramarital relations, domestic violence, divorce, poverty and a soupcon of Pseudo-Christian ethics thrown in for credibility. LOL, NaNoWriMo is write around the corner.

I totally zoned out today. Soccer was cancelled. They closed the fields because of the rain over the past couple of days. Dh let me sleep in. I missed the ghost stories at Magnolia Grange. I completely forgot about the writers' group meeting. The group leader was supposed to send me an email with information about get-togethers and word count conference calls but he never did. I feel bad about missing it today. I spend a lot of time outside the loop these days.

I spent the whole day thinking it was Sunday.
Yesterday was dh's day off. He let me sleep in and got dd off to school. Then he took off to go do some handyman stuff for his friend from work. Just a typical day for me. Laundry. Dishes. Vacuum.

It's all so mind numbingly depressing. I don't have MD to occupy my time anymore. I feel like a newb there now anyway. Not much happening at SquarePeg. I'm frustrated that I can't get my ftp programs to work worth a damn. My computer keeps freezing up, as usual, and I can't get anything done. Just like when I would try to be in chat or IM, all of my windows would close and I'd get thrown back to my desktop where I'd have to reopen the browser and start all over again. A real PITA. Yesterday I was in ftp and I got stuck there. Couldn't disconnect at all.

It very nearly brings me to tears sometimes. I miss being a part of something. Every day is just like the last.

List ten activities that you would enjoy but tell yourself you have no time for.

1. Sewing
2. Quilting
3. Painting
4. Hypertufa
5. Copper sculpting
6. Soapmaking
7. Baking artisan bread
8. Journal making
9. Learning another language
10. Going back to school

Now I'm supposed to pick one and do it. Riiiight.

* The Sound of Paper: Starting from Scratch by Julia Cameron

I'm loving the sound of the rolling thunder and the steady static sound of rain on the roof. It's like music to my ears tonight. I was able to empty one of the rain barrels earlier today, transferring the water to any bucket I could find. I just looked outside and it's overflowing again and the goldfish pond is full. That'll keep my plants going for another month if it doesn't rain again soon.
Poor Rocky is huddled outside on the fence. Usually she goes in the coop when it's raining but decided against it tonight for some reason. The dogs are in the barn and all the cats are in the house except Nibble and Pip. Orville was in the house but wanted to go outside so he could sit on the window sill and look in. Beats me.

I've taken my pharmaceutical quota for the night and I'm just waiting for dh to fall asleep. He's watching Cash Cab right now and is uncharacteristically lucid for this late hour.
I've got a sinus headache which is affecting my teeth. I should double up on my antihistamines because my ears are bothering me as well. Unfortunately I have to go out tomorrow morning and I would be a zombie.

I've got a lot coming up. Girl Scouts tomorrow and I still have to put patches on dd's uniform, the writers' group on Saturday and I still don't have the story finished for the anthology, and a Halloween party on Sunday and I don't have dd's costume finished yet. Dd swallowed a tooth the other day and the tooth fairy hasn't caught wind of it yet.

When it rains, it pours. ;o)

Bed felt so good this morning. The sheets were so smooth and just the right temperature. I could hear dh and dd slamming around at the other end of the house, then the cats started crying to get their brekkie, and then Blondie started howling because there was a siren going off a couple miles down the road. *sigh* I think I could have slept until noon. BUT. We had to get to the soccer fields to get the team picture taken and you have to get there early if you want a parking spot somewhere in this county. Traffic was a bitch because of the airshow and the special golf olympics and whatever else was happening in the park. Coach was late and the photo wasn't taken until just a few minutes before their game was due to start.

The game itself was a real nail biter. 3 to 2. Our team barely pulled it off this time. Our kids usually trounce the hell out of the other players so much so that the coach has to tell them to stop making goals. Dd made a beautiful goal today. It was perfection. Keegan made the other two. We used to stick around after games last year just to watch him play and luckily he's on our team this year. He's a real sweet kid.

We went out to eat after the game and then came home. I had to do some laundry, pack up some stuff for goodwill, and after a very close cardgame with dh I transferred some tadpoles to an indoor tank so we could monitor their growth. It's rather late in the season and they've just begun to sprout back legs. It'll probably be a couple more weeks until they have front legs and then it would be too late for them to survive the winter. Last year we had the perfect setup for them complete with mosquitoes to eat. We also needed to do some testing on the water heater as it hasn't been heating the water very well lately. The elements and thermostat checked out so I don't know what the problem is. I'd like to switch to a tankless heating system but dh isn't keen on the idea.

I've still got some laundry to do, dinner to make, some tinkering to do at the board , and a few other odd bits until I can settle down to Eastenders tonight. I bet the bed is going to feel really good.

My earliest memory is also my most horrific. I couldn't have been more than 4 or 5. I clearly remember my first day of kindergarten and this was well before then. I remember nothing leading up to it but it still haunts me in nightmares to this day.
I loved my room back then, with its tiny pink rosebuds trailing up and down the pale wallpaper. The antique handhooked rug was a constant source of amusement. A small vermilion stain reminded me never to leave my crayons out near the heating vent. Sadly the rug was left behind when I bugged out of an abusive relationship 20 odd years later. My bed hugged the far corner of the room. Near it's foot sat my little dress up table. My dad built it along with the little white stool. It's forty years later and I still have it. The stool as well. The mirror, with globe lights surrounding it, is long gone. I see it often in my dreams though.
Reflected in the dreadful mirror was a window. Soft white ruffly curtains framed it. They were drawn back with a pink ribbon. I could see the woods beyond it and the jagged slash of raw earth that lay open in the backyard. The roots of trees and bushes stuck out like exposed bones. It wasn't so bad outside, in the sun, but in the mirror...it was always cold and dim.

to be continued....

I slept fairly late today. Doesn't mean much since I didn't get to sleep until after 3 a.m. I didn't want to take an Ambien since I had no desire to hobnob with the shadow people. Even so, I was able to finish nearly everything that was on my ToDo list today. Well, with a little help from the dh. The only things I didn't get to were adding the hack to Square Peg and making a couple loaves of banana bread. The bananas are beyond ripe. We're talking the liquid stage. Just the other side of perfect for my taste. But they'll make an outstanding loaf.

I was finally able to clean the aquarium and set it up for dd's new fish. I had promised her about a month ago but serious life got in the way and we just got around to it. She chose 3 Sunset Fire Platys (or something like that) and a pair of Bettas...male and female named Max and Ruby. The Pleico is unimpressed with the new rocks and the nifty little sculpture or the new neighbours. He's probably not to happy about the clean aquarium either since he eats algae scum. I'd put him in the goldfish pond if I thought he'd survive the winter. He's a big fish now.

Dh's aunt was admitted to the hospital for ovarian cancer this weekend. Hopefully dh called to find out how her surgery went while dd and I were out in search of vampire teeth this afternoon. Her sister died of cancer a few years ago and I'm sure she's afraid she is headed toward the same fate.

Dh cooked/burned hotdogs out on the grill this afternoon. The last hurrah of summer I guess. It was nice. I loaded mine down with horseradish as always and never broke a sweat. I guess it's time I dug up some roots and ground up my own. Dd knocked two dogs back. I don't know where that kid puts it. 3 months shy of 8yo and 52 lbs. She barely casts a shadow and yet she can pack away the food like a field hand. The other day dh went cycling up in DC and didn't get back until late. Dd and I decided to kick back and have tv dinners. I fixed her a Hungry Man....over a pound of food. Two salisbury steaks, mashed potatoes and gravy, stringbeans, and a brownie. All gone. She's always hungry. It's a good thing she cares about nutrition or we'd be in trouble.

That's all the drama for today.

So, I thought I had convinced Mom that they needed to do away with heating with wood and switch to oil. Afterall, Dad isn't supposed to lift anything over 15 lbs for about 6 to 8 weeks due to his surgery. That would put them in the neighbourhood of the first week of December. They will definitely need heat before then. They don't have electric baseboard heat downstairs. They heat with a wood burning stove that is outside in a small barn. The stove heats water which is circulated throughout the house by cast iron radiators. The "pig" in the bathroom isn't even hooked up.

Mom has never taken care of the wood stove before. She told me that she would be able to manage. Brother Bob would be splitting the wood for her. Well, when Brother Mike drove down from PA to cut some trees, Brother Bob was supposed to help but was too tired to do so. The wood laid around the whole week I was down there while Dad was in the hospital. Brother Bob never showed up. But both Mom and Dad feel they can rely on Brother Bob to step up to the plate.

Brother Mike is driving down from PA again this Saturday. He has a bad back and needs chiropractic care on a regular basis. Brother Bob won't be able to help him with the wood this weekend either because apparently he tripped over one of his cats and broke his collar bone. He probably flew off in a rage and killed the cat, too. That's just the kind of guy he is. Anyway, Mom can't lift the wood, can't split the wood, and neither can Dad. But he will. Because he'll have to. Mom is now saying that he can't lift anything over 15 lbs for 3 weeks. I specifically heard the surgeon say 6 to 8 weeks. Several times.

So, Mom was ready to order the oil. Dad always said the furnace worked but it just needed to be hooked up. Well, hook it up then. Uh. No. That's no good because the chimney is bad he says. WTF? The wood stove is very big and the logs need to be big as well so they'll burn a long time. They just are not capable right now. But you can bet your ass that Dad will be out there doing it so Mom won't have to. 84 years old and just had bowel resection to remove cancer. Yesterday he got his staples out and the surgeon said there was still cancer present.

There's no reason for this shit. Honestly.

Downtown Richmond. This weekend. The annual Folk Festival. I was just checking out the schedule of events and it looks like my World History Professor will be taking the stage on Saturday. I haven't seen him since the Greece/Italy trip in 1995. I had to check my passport for the date. It's been a long time. This guy is the king of the one liners. I absolutely loved his class.

One day we were in a small village in France. Most of the class stayed in town for lunch but there was an old fortress at the top of the mountain that I just had to see so I headed off. It was breathtaking. Part of the ruins housed a museum to Joan of Arc. Apparently she had been held captive there. It was also where the Knights Templar were held.

I had very little time to check the ruins out and no time for lunch. When I got back to the group I asked what I had missed of the local cuisine. Kinney, very deadpan, said, "Eh, the same old crepe". I still have to laugh when I think about that trip.

The void created by the failure to communicate is soon filled with poison, drivel, and misrepresentation. ~C. Northcote Parkinson

Amen. It is difficult to communicate when one doesn't know that a conversation is taking place. Assumptions are rarely a true representation of what a person thinks or feels. "I didn't think you'd mind"...quickly followed by a hard defensive posture. That's where common courtesy kicks in. Most people really don't stop to think if the other person would truly mind. If you protest, more than likely, you'll be told to put on your big girl panties and get over it. That seems a bit backwards to me. But it also seems to be the norm.

Why does that happen? I don't think failure to communicate covers it. I think the void is more about dishonesty and guilt and the placement of blame. And sometimes you have to wonder how long the void had been there hiding amongst the fluff.

No man can for any considerable time wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which is the true one. ~ Nathaniel Hawthorne

There are people who will expend more energy trying to convince others that they are compassionate and sincere, rather than actually being that way. I'm sure you know someone like that...someone who is always offering "prayers" or "hugs" or lavishing you with praise as long as someone witnesses the "random act of kindness". When you no longer serve their purpose the attention is withdrawn, the praise and false concern redirected to someone else...a more PC candidate perhaps.

I've seen so much of it over the years I've spent online. People being used because it was convenient. People being elevated to a new status because they had information or contacts that were needed by someone else. Once that need was fulfilled the person got cast out of the clique, their name smeared while the hyenas circled.

I've seen some truly good people online as well. The ones who give and give only to get battered and beaten time and time again. And, amazingly, are still willing to help knowing the outcome. Who is the weaker person? The person willing to lend a helping hand knowing it'll only get slapped later? Or the person who fawns all over someone for gain, all the while thinking they are doing the other person a favour? I'll gladly sit next to the former even if it's just the two of us.

I guess compassion and support in one's time of need is relative to what one has to offer in exchange. It is times like this that one is able to see who wears a mask and those who have no need for one. Sometimes it can be quite shocking, in fact.

Dad is finally out of the hospital. It's been a long dismal week. Probably the most spectacular weather of the year and we were holed up in a miserable little hospital room listening to CNN and the buzzer going off at the nurses station over and over and over because no one was there to answer it. I spent the week staring out the fourth floor window at a poor dog across the highway, tied to a short chain at the end of an asphalt driveway. It paced back and forth all week in the hot sun waiting for someone to come play with him. On the fourth day someone came. The dog was ecstatic! It raced around as far as its short chain would allow. It jumped in the air and wiggled in excitement. The visitor never touched the dog, always staying just out of reach. And then he left. After two minutes. And the dog paced and waited again.

The same thing was happening in the hospital. The patients leaning on the call button for help and no one answering. Dad cut through the lines that restricted his movement. No one came.
Every night when I drove Mom home it was the same thing. People calling to see how Dad was and make sure Mom was holding up ok. Nobody called Dad at the hospital. Nobody sent him a freaking card. The day I left the neighbours were walking down the lane to visit, a bouquet of old fashioned roses in hand. But nothing from family. That really pisses me off.

Dad had a colonoscopy this morning. They unzipped his guts this afternoon. His asshole doctor kept prescribing zantac even when told it wasn't working. They found cancer in his intestines and resected part of his bowel. Just a few hours between diagnoses and surgery. Barely enough time to panic.

I've made arrangements so I'll be able to go down to their house for a few days and stay with Mom. The dishwasher is running right now. I've caught up on all the laundry as of this afternoon. I went to the grocery store and got a bunch of tv dinners for dh & dd. The cell phone is charged. All I have to do is gas up the car tomorrow morning and I'm off.

Dh is all "what about the cats? What about the fish? What about the kid's lunch? What about the chickens?" Dd knows how to take care of all of that. I'll give her a house key so she'll be able to get in the house if dh doesn't get home in time. Or she'll just go up to Gavin's house....

I'm so tired. I had my prescription to Lunestra filled while I was out. Different tier on the co-pay so the pharmacist wanted $50 for 30 pills. I had to decline. A baseball bat or rubber mallet is much cheaper and probably more effective.

He had a CTscan last Thursday. He got the results today. He was admitted this evening. The scan showed something on his liver, his kidney, and near his prostate. He has gallstones and a bowel obstruction. Mom tried to call me but I was at soccer practice. She called my brother who lives in Pennsylvania and he left a message on my answering machine. My other brother, who lives close to Mom and Dad, was nowhere to be found.
Mike, PA brother, was down last week to cut some firewood for them since they heat with wood in an outdoor furnace. My other brother was supposed to help him but he said he was too tired. Too tired to even drive over and see him. Mom said that she would leave the wood for lazy brother to split but I hope she doesn't hold her breath. Looks like dh and I will be doing it. Dh will probably force them to switch to oil which is the logical thing. Dad is 84 and Mom is 76. They can't keep going outside to throw a big chunk of wood in the stove.
Dad was weighed today and he's 139 lbs at 6 ft. They immediately hooked him up with a saline IV because he was dehydrated from puking so much. Mom said they were talking about a bowel resection. She said that Dad told her he threw up some brown fluid the other day that smelled of bowel. Either he vomitted fecal matter or it was old blood. Either way it's bad news. He's having a colonoscopy done in the morning.

So Mom is home all alone. She's never been alone. They've been married for 50 years. The neighbour lady offered to stay with her tonight but Mom told her she would be ok. She wants me to come down. And I can't. I have to call her tomorrow morning and tell her that I can't be there for her or Dad. I warned her about this. I asked dh to take some time off work but he has a class tomorrow that has been on the books for 6 months. He can't reschedule. Dh suggested I leave Thursday and stay until Sunday but Dad is in the hospital RIGHT NOW. I don't know what to do.

Just a little PSA:

Most members of discussion boards don't have a clue the information that can be accessed by administrators. Having been one for a long time I can tell you that the priveleged data can be abused by those in a position to do so.

For instance, your IP number. Admin can see who registered under a particular IP address as well as who posted or voted in a poll. If a group of people are all sharing a single username and password it'll show up as multiple IP addresses. This information also tells the admin which geographical area you are accessing the internet from.

Admin also have access to your email address since you had to provide one when you registered at the discussion board. It is best to register with a web based email for just that purpose.

Admin can also read emails that originated at the discussion board. Invision boards have a logfile in the admin control panel that provides not only the to and from information, but the entire contents of the email as well. Your best bet is to send your emails off-board.

Admin can also read PMs. There are hacks out there that make it easier to read PMs but do not be fooled into thinking that someone needs the hack in order to access the data. Anyone with access to the database of a board can access every scrap of information available on a board. The MySQL database can be accessed through the cpanel of a board if it is provided by the host. It's a simple matter of finding the table that contains the data, usually called something like message_text. If you click browse, a query will be run and the data will be shown. You'll see the number id of the member who wrote the PM, the text of the message, the number id of the recipient and the author's IP address. Another query on a different table will give an admin access to member ID numbers.
For further information on PMs, please read http://www.theadminzone.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-15568.html
It is a lengthy discussion, 8 pages, but well worth the read if you are concerned with privacy at all. My advice is not to write anything in PM that you don't want anyone other than the recipient to read.

Admin have statistics availabe that show nearly every move you make on a board. What skin you are using, what thread you are reading, down to which browser you use and what computer platform you use. Most of the information is totally benign but if you have a feeling big brother is watching, you're right.

So, in a nutshell, I can't stress this enough: Keep your shit off the web.