I'm torturing myself.

I think I'll ram shivs of bamboo under my nails next. I did a little writing today and then proceeded to criticize every word. I had quite the skirmish between my inner critic and I. She won. She nearly always wins. I really stunk up the page and she knew it. It's one thing to write drivel but this a.m.'s attempt was pure dreck. I am going to have to kill that bitch if I want to get any work done.
Meanwhile, out in the boonies of south central Virginia, my dad turns 87 today. He still thinks he's 50-ish. Mad as a hatter, my dad. Or as he would say, crazier than a shithouse rat. Mom's birthday is next week on the 21st. She'll be 79. Neither one of them does anything the easy way. I don't consider myself lazy but I will take a shortcut now and then if the end result meets my expectations. And why not? Why sacrifice time and energy your whole life if you don't do anything you enjoy? Once you get to the end of your life shouldn't you be able to look back on it and say 'man, I had fun!'? Or should you be miserable, disenchanted, and sad because you passed all of the 'what ifs' up because you felt your time and money was better served elsewhere? My mom says she feels like she wasted her life. Not enough to change her behavior and do things she would enjoy in her remaining years though. She's says it's too late.
I went to Europe three times when I was in my late 20's and early 30's. Had a blast. Best time ever! I was 32 on my last trip (Italy & Greece) and met my husband two weeks after I got back. My globetrotting days were over. Just like that. It was time to knuckle down and get serious. House, baby, etc. No regrets on that at all. I do miss the freedom of having to only think about my future and making decisions based on that though. Freedom is a powerful feeling. I used to get quite a bit done. Now every action and/or reaction has to pass through a committee of three. But that's life. It's not going to stop me from enjoying myself. I think I'll get the forms for passports this week. Get the ball rolling. Mine expired long ago. The husband and kidlet have never been off the east coast. Neither have my parents, but that was their choice.
Ok, I feel better now that I have a plan. Glad I procrastinated on the bamboo. That would have been nasty.