Bark Bark Bark & Oh yeah Bark

What's that you say? Timmy has fallen in a well?
Bark Bark BARKBARKBARK
Oh, sorry. My mistake.

All night long. At 3:45 a.m. I had to shut the windows, turn on the ceiling fan, take an Ambien, and listen to the "as good as white noise" of yet another episode of Criminal Minds. Dr. Reed was spewing some psychobabble that no one could follow. Meanwhile, in the not too distance backyard a block over....bark barkbark bark bark..........................barkbarkbark.
I get up, turn the lights on in the backyard. BARKBARKBARK. I see my dogs. Callahan, curled up next to the backdoor. Blondie comes dragging her big round dog ass out of the garage, stretching and yawning. Glad someone could sleep.
BARK BARK BARK. Blondie rolls her eyes. Honestly. And then I yell at the dog. Dead of night, remember? It's unheard of in our subdivision unless you're hearing me. Repetition of any sort, but particularly barking dogs and run-on tweens, takes me right to the brink of insanity. Or sanity depending on the direction I happen to be traveling at the time. Tuco the Ancient has arisen. He's stone cold deaf. That should give you some indication of my restraint, or lack thereof. BARK bark barkbark B A R K
I douse the light before my dogs get too curious. That's all I need is for them to all start barking, too. But they don't. Because there's nothing there to bark at. They know, as well as I do, that the dog is barking because it got left outside for the night. I contemplate driving around the neighbourhood to find the offending animal. My sleep deprived mind playing out scenarios of retribution. Me, leaning on the doorbell and whacking the owners with a rolled up newspaper. Me, being led to the back seat of a county cruiser.
I go back to bed. The husband is laying on his side, a big pillow jammed over his head. That's normal for him though. I have a tendency to snore. I listen to the ceiling fan. ...clickclickclick....clickclickclick. Bark bark bark.....barkbarkbark. I think: why don't they paint cars with phosphorescent paint so they'd be easier to see at night? barkbarkbark bark bark Dr. Reed babbles on. With the volume turned low it sounds like barkbark bark bark bark.