I noticed yesterday that the lemon cucumbers have germinated. No sign of any squash yet though. Looks like I may have basil, too. Still don't know what's up with the purple sage. If I didn't know better I'd think it was getting sun scald. Maybe the chickens are fertilizing it and burning it. Chicken poo is famous for that. I just saw Pichu down there munching on the cabbage. All the cabbages are ragged on one side...whatever the chickens can reach thru the wire cage. They're almost too big for it. I don't have anything else to protect them. Sure would be nice to actually be able to eat cabbage this year. I really need to put a fence up. *sigh* Another expense. I need to make some choices. And soon.

It's raining again. How unusual. I didn't get to plant anything in the garden yesterday but I did do a lot of weeding. I've got a bunch of volunteer flowers coming up. Hope they turn out to be something interesting because it looks like they are the only things that are going to mature.
I had to stake a couple of the foxglove plants. The rain has made them so heavy. Every time I turn around the planter in the fish pond has capsized. Still no sign of the cardinal flower (lobelia cardinalis). I guess I'll have to write that off again. Supposedly an easy plant to grow. right. The astrantia failed to return as well. And the allysum (all) that I planted this spring are history. Coleus, too. They were all impulse buys anyway. Except the cardinal. I went looking for that last year.
The peonies are gorgeous. I've got a ring around them so they aren't being pummelled by the rain. The bamboo is outstanding this year. I'd like to get a few different types but it sure is expensive. Besides, I think my neighbour would have a stroke if I introduced any more invasive plants to my garden.

In other news:
Went to another podiatrist yesterday. His diagnosis was completely different from the first podiatrist but ended the same. "Bring back a couple pair of shoes and we'll fit you with custom inserts". And, of course, that'll cost another $40 just to walk in the door. No thanks. I don't know who the hell to believe. Oh, and of course, the referral confirmation from my GP wasn't there. Typical.
What else? I'm down to my pre-wedding weight. Not due to anything I did myself unfortunately. My foot has limited me greatly so I should be gaining instead. 'course, everything I do seems to have the opposite effect than what's "normal". That's the whole bizarro thing at work again.

This is what I planted yesterday:
cocozelle squash
lemon squash
striata d'italia squash
summer crookneck squash
Mexican Sour Gherkins
Sweet Basil

A couple of days before, when we had a brief break in the rain, I planted lemon cucumbers. I transplanted my Principe Borghese tomatoes, too. I hope they survive. I'm running out of the ones I put in the freezer. I also spent a great deal of time weeding around my beets. Apparently it cleared the way for the chickens for they ate every single beet leaf in sight. I keep reminding them that they aren't too old for the pressure cooker but they know I wouldn't go thru with it. Miserable birds. I'll have to put a fence up around the garden. I'll love to get all stylish and have split rail with box wire on the bottom but that won't happen. I'll probably end up stringing chicken wire around the perimeter with rebar posts. Lovely. Cheap. Dh is all about the cheap. Hells Bells, I can't even get him to spring for FREE landscape timbers or railroad ties.

I guess it's time to sow another couple rows of stringbeans. It rained this morning so I can't really get in the garden today. I did all of my weeding yesterday so nothing to do there. I guess I'll peruse craigs list to see if anyone has any mulch they are willing to part with on the cheap.

Not much to say here. I've been working in the garden quite a bit since it stopped raining. I got my truckload of horse manure (courtesy of Elaine at Hunter Lane Stables) on Friday. The chickens pounced on it immediately and proceeded to spread it around for me. Skip has been "wrapping" my path with plastic and I've been hauling out wire grass roots by the fistsful. There's no telling what kind of surprise weeds the manure will add to the mix but it can't possibly be worse than the wire grass.

I planted a mixture of melon seeds last weekend. Two more rows of stringbeans. I took the crate off of one of the cabbages to use while pulling weeds and the chickens decimated the plant. Evil rotten birds. It's a good thing they lay yummy eggs. I'm getting the tomato bed ready and should be able to put the plants out this week. The seedlings are still so small. I need to revamp my seed starting mix I believe.

I had to move some plants from around the fishpond last weekend as well. Not enough drainage. The basket-of-gold allysum is done for. The snow in summer (cerastium) is still hanging on. Barely. The chickens destroyed all of the coleus, too.

Speaking of evil birds...I can hear one squawking now. Must have laid an egg and wants to tell the world about it. I'll see if I can find some nice big juicy japanese beetle grubs for her.

Here is the story about the check as promised.

As mentioned at Square Peg I recently read The Secret. The same basic idea stated over and over again only worded slightly different from one page to the next. I borrowed the video from the library as well. Basically an audio of the book.
I've been known to have some far out ideas but at least I'm solid enough and logically inclined to appreciate that you can't always get what you want. That's pretty much diametrically opposed to the Secret's message. If you want it enough and believe you already have it then the universe will give it to you. Riiiight. So...where's my check for $500.00? (I decided to start small as the book suggested. You know, a test run sort of thing.)

I meditated (as I was sitting outside getting my daily intake of vitamin D) and envisioned myself receiving a check in the mail in the amount of $500.00. I felt the check in my hand. Saw the watermark on the paper. Thought about what I would use the money for. I was certain I would receive the check. It was just a matter of "when", not "if". I told my daughter about the check that was coming. She told Skip. Skip scoffed. He wanted to know who was sending us a check for $500. I told him I didn't know but it would be within a week. Dd filled him in on THE SECRET. (She's probably wishing for a pony, snake or little brother right now. Dream on, kid.)

On Monday I announced the check would arrive on Wednesday. I kept up the banter. On Tuesday I announced the check would arrive the next day. Hahahahaha.
On Wednesday I took the mail out of the mailbox and flipped through the group of letters. One was addressed to me. It was a check for $1,300.00. Dd flipped out. The tiny print along the right margin of the check was the only giveaway. "This is not a real check". It was a travel voucher to use if we upgraded a three day cruise that was TOTALLY FREE for Skip and I.

Funny stuff. It would have been hilarious if it was for $500.00! So, did the Law of Attraction work? I got a real enough looking "check" in the mail on the day I envisioned it. Coincidence? Or was the universe just toying with me? ;o)

Gotta type quickly before the Ambien kicks in...

On Friday I planted two short rows of stringbeans.
On Saturday I planted a block of strawberry spinach, red wing lettuce, and mache. I also sowed tatsoi between the cabbage plants. And since I had them, I planted a packet of cottage garden flower seeds along the chives border. I'm not too optomistic that anything wonderful will come out of it because it only cost 30¢ but even if one flower blooms it'll be worth it. Just like my 10¢ packet of beet seeds. ;o)

It was raining when I awoke this morning, continued to rain throughout the day, and is still raining right now. It's hard to tell where the goldfish pond stops and the yard starts. The cats are very unhappy.

I was able to apply a coat of stain to the roof of the playhouse on Saturday after soccer. Team Lightning won again. Undefeated still. It was close this time though. 2 - 1. Not their greatest victory. Anyway, Skip primed the doors and window trim. I need to get some rock to form a slightly raised foundation. I'll probably do that on Wednesday after the Ukrops coffee Social. Skip suggested I get a load of flagstone to extend the path from the patio to the garage. It's about time! I need to start taking some pictures so I'll have some decent before and after photos.

Dd went to her best friend's birthday party at Laser Quest this afternoon. She hasn't stopped talking about it. Every moment since we left she has been following me around going on and on about the laser tag. I told her to save some for tomorrow, lol. Skip walked her into the party and told me that she was the only girl there. My little tomboy. We killed time at the mall waiting for the party to wind down. Ate a steakhouse burger at BK. Extremely revolting. There was absolutely nothing positive to say about it at all. I'm not even sure it was beef.

Ok, I'm going byebye now. I'm asleep at the keyboard. Later taters.

It's getting tougher throwing tile on the wall now that it's above my head. I should be able to knock out the straight run bits in a couple of days. But I won't. That's not my style. My style is to think about it to death, and then get a wild burst of energy that is extremely short lived. I've got too many projects in the works. I'm still working on the playhouse. I got the stain a couple of weeks ago and still haven't used it. Shame on me.

I did a lot of yard work yesterday. I enlarged the planting bed by the fishpond and planted a Dwarf Alberta Spruce, some pinks, and snow-in-summer. Then, of course, I had to devise some means to protect it all from the chickens until the plants have a chance to settle in. Dd's soccer goal worked rather nicely....until the cat managed to wrap the netting around her throat. It's always something.

I moved two cedars and a holly from one bed because they were growing too closely to the brick walkway. One went into the shade garden against the fence and the other at the end of the veg garden. The holly is temporarily potted up until I can find a proper place for it. I have one bed left in the veg garden to prepare. I need to rake the big plot and get it ready for beans. I need to do that today. I've also decided to split the bed in twain by laying a brick path. We have the bricks so I may as well use them. Dh has steadfastly refused to extend the brick path all the way to the garage. It really would be nice.

That's pretty much it for the physical stuff. I'll have to save the spiritual and mental upheaval for another day. I should mention "the check" but I haven't the time right now. Maybe later after I've burnt myself out.

Dh is a real estate appraiser for the county. One day last week he had to go measure some buildings on some guy's property because the guy was building without a permit. It was a horse farm. He drove down the lane and was met by one of the farm hands. Dh explained what he was there to do and the farmhand told him he better wait for the owner since "he wouldn't like it". Dh convinced him it was no big deal and while the guy was calling the owner he went off to measure the new buildings. Minutes later the owner pulled into the lot blocking dh's car so he couldn't leave. The guy ranted about how dh was trespassing on private property and had no right to be there. Dh was driving a county car with the county insignia on the door and he was wearing what he likes to refer to as a "patch with a shirt on it" that also signified that he was with the government. The guy said that if he wasn't allowed on county property then the county wasn't allowed on his. Hmmmm...red flag there.

The guy called dh's office to verify his identity and then called the police. He moved his vehicle and minutes later two police cruisers showed up and blocked dh in again. He could have gone before the police got there but he told the guy he'd wait and in the meantime he got all the information about the buildings that he needed. Dh was blocked in at this place for an hour and a half.

Just a note here: The county does not issue cell phones or radios to the appraisers. The only reason why dh has a cell phone is because I insisted he get one in case he ever gets into a sticky situation.

When dh got back to the office his supervisor said he wasn't sure he'd ever see dh alive again. Apparently the owner of the property cannot set foot on the government complex or the courthouse without a police escort. He is banned from council meetings and public hearings. He has made threats. Dh's supervision knew this. Dh did not. He could have walked right into the barrel of a shotgun.

One of these days he's going to get killed while measuring a crackhouse.

What a trooper! She had soccer practice Friday evening. Standing water on the field and mud everywhere. The coach's son kept tripping her and soon she was soaked from head to toe. She still managed to take the ball away from him at every chance. She took the ball in the face at one point. A hard kick, too. She cried because it hit her dead on but the coach checked her out and said she had "adidas" stamped on her forehead and that made her laugh. Everyone cheered when she resumed her position on the field. She bitches and complains about soccer but once she gets her gear on and hits the field she is intense.

She will also be attending a new school next year. Her teacher nominated her and she's been accepted into the center based gifted program in math and english and will be going to Winterpock. I'm so proud of her.

Chilly and rainy here today so I won't be wallowing in the warm sunshine. Thought I'd catch up on this blog and make a few garden notes.

First, a titmouse couple has set up house in the zebra striped birdhouse on the maple tree. The wrens aren't too happy about it as they wanted it for themselves. Toast has taken a keen interest in it. He was able to launch himself from the ground and set it swinging the other day. Miserable cat.

Did some tiling yesterday while dh and dd played board games. I had to cut a few tiles to go around the supply handles. It wasn't too bad. I broke the first tile by not paying attention to my pressure points. The others snapped away easily. I love my tile cutter. :o)

Never got the chance to get the tiller in the garden. It's been raining too much lately to get in any time soon. I think it's supposed to rain for the next three days. I should get a lot of tiling done. The playhouse isn't done yet. I got it put together over the weekend but I've only primed the trim so far. It'll need to be painted and the roof sealed before we set it in the garden. I need to make some more stepping stones too but will have to wait for the rain to stop. I plan on using some broken tiles for mosaics.

Square Peg is dead. Figures it would die right after I paid hosting for the next quarter. It was quite an expensive porkchop considering. It certainly frees me up for more constructive pursuits like laundry, dishes, dusting and other exciting ventures that would otherwise suffer had the site been a success. ;o)

Spring Break is over and the kidlet has gone back to school! Her first soccer game was on Saturday. Team Lightning won! 5 - 3. Dd got two of the goals. Her playing greatly improved after her first goal. I guess she had lost her confidence over the winter. Glad to see it back. It was an exciting game. Hopefully the team will be able to get a couple of practices in before the next game. Looks like today's may be rained out though. :o( They really need the practice. There are a few first year kids on the team and they don't know what to do on the field.

Well, I'm off to find some of those exciting ventures I posted about. Dishes or laundry? Maybe I should vacuum up some of these tumbling tumbleweeds?

Yesterday I planted spinach and beets. I transplanted some liriope into the shade garden and planted two basket-of-gold near the pond. Dd and I raked up some shredded leaves (courtesy of the chickens) and put it on one of the garden beds. I'll need to till that in today.

I better get cracking on it. It's supposed to get into the 80s today.

Today was absolutely beautiful. We spent the first half playing puttputt out at Rockwood. Skip took the day off from work so we could share some quality family time. We had lunch at Mickey D's. I hate that place but the snack wraps are surprisingly tasty and I fired down 1.5 crispy chipotle BBQs and a sweet iced tea. We ended up getting four. Dh kept telling the chick that we wanted three and she kept saying she got the order but kept calling back for four so.... I hope she's not counting on McD's as a career.

We went back to Rockwood, which was now crawling with people and kids, and played another round. I got a lot of sun. I took my vitamin D hit today in pill form as well so I should be good for a bit. My legs were beginning to ache. We went over to Big Lots afterwards to see what they had in the garden section. I got a nice trough planter for $7. I whipped up a bunch of soil mix for it when we got home: topsoil, sphaghum moss, and perlite. It's now planted with firecracker flower bulbs, radishes, and mesclun. I'm eager to see what comes up.

We sat outside, drank beer, ate pretzels and played cards until the sun went down. I gave all my plants a nice shot of miracle gro and took the sun lovers outside on the deck. We even wrestled the pine tree out on the deck. It barely fits thru the door now. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with it by fall.

The garden update: I have peas. I planted them on March 6th and noticed the sprouts on the 22nd. That's pretty quick for peas this early. They're snow peas. I planted them thickly, too. I hope I get a bumper crop. We eat a lot of stirfries here.
The onions survived the winter, the horseradish is coming in thick, the chives are all over the place. The oregano is beautiful as always. Tomorrow will be a big day for the garden. Lots to do out there. Skip wants me to throw some tile on the wall, too. That may not happen tho. Not if the sun is shining. ;o)

I'm going to sack out early tonight. I have a big day ahead of me. I bought the little playhouse at Lowes today. It's a tiny little thing but it will keep the cats warm, safe, and dry and give dd something to do in the backyard. I'm rather giddy about it. I envision it nestled in my work-in-progress shade garden. Dwarfed by the leland cypress border behind and shielded by the bamboo on it's left. The maple's canopy will keep it cool. There will be a nice stepping stone path winding around the maple that'll lead to it's dutch door. A big cheery pot of impatiens will brighten up the dooryard. Right now it's painted a colour that matches the house perfectly. I am, however, thinking that a bright cheery yellow with white trim would look nice. Copper rain chains on the drip line would complete the picture.

Anyway, I've got to put it together tomorrow. I've also got to do laundry. Vacuum the house. Cut some tile. Plant spinach, beets, lettuce, and mache. Plant the bedding plants I got the other day. Clean out the chicken house and put the manure/straw in the garden. I got a big bale of compressed wood chips today at the Tractor Supply store to make their house nice and cozy. Time to open the window for them and take down their passive solar heat, too. ;o) I hope it doesn't rain.

Went for coffee this morning. Had a nice tall cup of Southern Pecan. It was excellent as always. Conversation would have made it better but we can't have everything. Maybe next time. I did make a point of saying hello to everyone I passed though. They must have thought I was a loon. ;o)

I made two exquisite loaves of banana bread yesterday. Perfect in every way. Skip has been asking for some more cinnamon swirl bread so I better make some of that today. I'll need to make another crusty artisan bread for myself with rosemary and thyme. Sounds like work.

I'm going out for coffee this morning in the hopes of meeting a lurking Pegger. More than likely I'll end up sitting alone at Ukrops but that's ok. Their Southern Pecan coffee is worth it. I hope it isn't hazelnut day.

We're still tripping in Bizarro Land. I want Skip to snap out of his funk but I'm also feeling a bit possessive of my own state of sappiness. It's been a long while since I experienced a calmness like this for any extended period of time. Recently some doubts and selfesteem issues surfaced but I successfully wrestled them into submission. I can't help how other people manifest their anxiety. If they choose to lob rocks at me I need to learn to walk away. It shouldn't matter when they're high fiving each other and laughing at their "victory". At least I'm not getting pelted with stones. The whole sticks and stones thing. Basic stuff we learned in Kindergarten. Or should have. Along with "share" and "would you jump off a bridge if all your friends were doing it?" Peer pressure is some scary stuff and it doesn't appear to weaken with age.

I met a woman the other day while our dds were playing. She introduced herself and we made small talk. And right in the middle of my sentence she looked over my shoulder and started talking to someone else. Apparently she missed those days in Kindergarten when they taught politeness and "don't interrupt". I kind of shrugged and walked away. The worst part of the whole scene was that Skip saw the whole exchange. I guess he was expecting my mood to shatter but it didn't. I sat down with him and we talked about this and that for the next hour and the woman who couldn't even fake interest in what I was saying sat alone. Kindergarten. Who knew?

Skip (dh) is afflicted with a number of maladies that are undiagnosable. His stomach won't stop growling. He keeps throwing food in it but the growling continues. No pain, just growling. His forehead keeps breaking out. He thinks he's getting thinner though he's only lost 2 lbs. He can't sleep even on Ambien and has to get up 4 or 5 times a night. (though he had no trouble falling asleep on the couch in front of the tv at 8:11 last night.) He seems depressed and anxious.

I'm still happy. More or less. I've been sleeping well. My weight has anchored at 133. I wanted it to be 125 but I just can't seem to get there (without seriously altering my lifestyle). I'm not depressed for the first time in ages. It's like Skip and I have switched places. I think some of it has to do with the fact that his best friend changed jobs and is no longer working with him. We had a lunch date last week which I thought was wonderful.

There's only one thing that has been bothering me and not even at the level it should...historically. MD members. Particularly those people who berated me for my feelings of exclusion or unpopularity, for lack of the proper word. "Oh Susan, you don't realize how many people love you and appreciate you..." Riiiight. Where were they when I was pushed out? Where are they now? Afraid to hobnob because it doesn't look good? Square Peg is practically dead and I hate to think that anyone is having a laugh at its demise.

So, I got an email informing me of the hosting deadline. I've thought about it quite a bit. I'm still undecided it seems. I like Square Peg. I like messing around with it. But it causes me anxiety every time I log on and no one is there. So I alternate between a "why bother" attitude and a "you can't expect results overnight". But it's been 6 months. Only one local person posts at all. I've gotten lots of inquiries but no action. *sigh* I guess if I was really in bizarro land then the board would be wildly successful. ;o)

The cheaper sliding drawers are much lighter weight and are easily bent. Not much good if I have heavy cast iron cookware.

Got home right on time for the daily after school meltdown. Always a treat. So while she was crying and yelling and stomping around I decided to get dinner ready. Fried cabbage and onions. Steamed broccoli. Jasmine rice. Stir-fried chicken in a sweet & spicy sauce. It was on the table at 6:30 and I was out the door to the horticulture seminar at 6:45.

Got to the seminar right on time. Packed house. Very serious people all hoping to get THE SECRET. Except the couple next to me of course. The guy apparently knew everything there was to know and wanted his girlfriend to know he knew so he talked thru the entire seminar. He asked the speaker a question and then started talking to his girlfriend while the speaker was answering him. He was saying "see, I told you..." Idiot. I was leaning forward to hear the speaker with a finger jammed in my ear to drown them out and they didn't get the hint. Or more likely didn't give a shit.

The seminar was very informative and lasted two hours. Dd was still awake when I got home and I went thru the bedtime routine with her. I set about finishing my chores for the day. I turned the dryer back on since the clothes were still damp. Noticed that dh had taken all of his clothes out and put them away. I had to go retrieve them from his dresser because they were still too damp. He said they were "dry enough". gah. Men.

So, either it was a pretty good day or I'm getting numb to the stuff that usually sets me off.

Getting dd off to school was its usual nightmare. I had planned on going to the westend for a meetup but that didn't happen. The best laid plans yada yada yada.

I had my teeth cleaned yesterday by the Marquis deSade. I couldn't bite down at all. My tooth was killing me. This morning I lost a tiny chunk of tooth from somewhere. Maybe it was someone else's left over tooth that was glued on the icepick they use to "explore".

I've got to hurry here. I'm crashing. I got some books out of the library on how to be a better and nicer person. I'm running out of options already. How long should one try before giving up entirely?

I did some shopping at lowes. I picked out several plants I want and a nice heavy sliding basket drawer for the pots in the kitchen cabinet. They have the super heavy duty nice ones and the economy which aren't that bad but they are much lighter weig,

cra[ i gotta ocme back to this i'm fried. britney cocktails

...then you should find a better proxy.

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Today was pretty nice. I had a dental appt and then I met dh for lunch. I don't know how to explain it...I felt like I did when we first started seeing each other. I couldn't stop smiling.

I had a cup of my favourite coffee, Southern Pecan, too. My lucky day. I drove down to the goodwill to see if I could score any neat dishes. I really had to restrain myself. There were quite a few Homer Laughlin pieces that I really wanted but couldn't bring myself to pay $9.25 for a single plate. Quite a few Buffalo China cups, as well as some Shenango cups.

After that I went to Pleasant's Hardware and picked up an ultra cheap towel bar for the closet door. I've been looking for one all over the place. Of course it doesn't fit the closet door but I'll use it in the laundry. The bar is thin enough to accept a clothespin and I mainly wanted it to clip gloves and mittens and scarves so they could dry out and dd could get them herself.

When dh got home from work we took the dogs out for a walk around the block. I noticed that my hosta plants have broken ground already. The lilac is purpling up. The vinca is blooming. I guess it's about time I should head down to the Berry Farm to get some bedding plants. They opened last Friday. Now I just need for the soil to dry out a bit. I can't wait.

My hands are so dry they're like velcro. I hate that feeling. Yesterday was absolutely gorgeous! I planted peas. I also hoed up one of the raised beds, the one I use for the drying tomatoes. The chickens loved it. They gorged themselves on worms and then sunbathed in their dusting hole for awhile. They sounded so content talking to each other in their sing-songy way. The cats raced around chasing each other and rolled in the dirt. Each clump was an adventure. After it rains I'll go plant my spinach and mache. It felt so good having the sun beat down on my back, the sweat running down the side of my face.

I emailed dh at work and suggested he come home and share the afternoon sun with me. He had an appeal at 2:00 but surprised me by walking in the door before 3:00. I made a big bowl of popcorn and we sat outside, had a few beers and played a round of 3-13. Dd was in a good mood as well when she got home from school. She wanted to play some computer games and that occupied her for quite some time.

Dh and I took the plastic sheet off of the goldfish pond. It'll probably fill up with the fuzzy red maple blossoms now. I need to do some planting around the pond to make a leaf barrier. The liriope seems to do the trick quite well.

I love spring.

Loropetulum to be specific. I went in search of a witch hazel, that bright yellow shrub that wakes up in the dead of winter, and found this:



Also a witch hazel. I've never seen them in any other colour before. Of course, the fringes were already dried and falling off the bush but it was interesting none the less.

Another interesting shrub was the Symphoricarpos orbiculatus or coral berry. Beautiful berries but the plant looked leggy and sparse. I would rather have interesting foliage although the berry colour does pack a wallop.



Southern States didn't have a very good selection of evergreens yesterday. I was looking for a threadleaf cypress but they didn't have it. I'll have to check at Lowes and see if they have any plants out yet. At least they are guaranteed. I also need to pick up some more cement for my hypertufa project. I'm itching to get started on that. Gotta finish the tiling first though. That seems to be taking forever! Looks like it's going to rain so I'll put up a few more courses today. I've finally gotten to a point where I need to start cutting some tiles. That's always fun. Now, where did I put that tile cutter?

I'm on the verge of doing something but i'm not sure what.
I went to the podiatrist today. $40 right up front. He poked, bent, and twisted my foot this way and that. Said I had strained my whatchamacallit tendon. For $99 he'll make me some arch supports that slide in and out of shoes. My foot hurts pretty bad tonight. Probably from all his poking and prodding.
Man, the ambien caught up quick tonight. I feel like my head is on a long stalk like Alice in Wonderland after she took a sip of 'drink me' or ate the toadstool. What ev.

Dd starts soccer practice next week. Thank God. Twice a week. Mondays & Fridays with games on Saturday. She has the same coach as last year. He wanted her to try out for the travel teams but we don't have the funds or the time for that. She is acting all casual about it but I caught her kicking the soccer ball around a bit yesterday. Her brownie meeting was cancelled last week. We were informed about 30 seconds after dh drove off. The cookies are supposedly coming in soon.

On to other items...I don't know if I'm going to keep Square Peg going or not. Kira is the only local on there who posts. Katie came back under a different name but she hasn't posted at all. I'm finding it extremely difficult making irl friends around here. I joined another meetup but I'll have to drive out to the westend and I'm not really comfortable out there. 'course if I get used to it we'll really be in trouble.

Peepers are out. I heard them on our nightly walk. If I can strain my ears I can just make them out. Not really but they are there.

Damn, some weird shit is happening here. I'd love to be lucid and finish my thought but I believe it is history at this point.
Gotta go. Don't forget the crap flap!

I hardly ever take these internet quizzes but this one was short and rather telling.

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6.3
Mind:	4.9
Body:	7.3
Spirit:	6.5
Friends/Family:	5
Love:	9.1
Finance:	7.1
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

My purple coneflower seeds have finally begun to germinate. Time to take them off the heated shelf and put them under the light. Nothing else in that flat has done a damned thing yet. Did some serious landscape dreaming today. Wouldn't it be great to have a tree whose falling leaves smell like cotton candy? Katsura.

I've got quite a wish list growing. Mostly grasses. They are so forgiving and easy and really quite graceful. I'm going to take a chunk of either the pampas grass or the japanese silver grass and transplant it near the goldfish pond at the side of the patio. I'd like to get some shenandoah switchgrass or muhly to go in front of it and maybe some little bluestem. The colour will go great with the coppery sedge and the vibrant red of the cardinal flower. This will replace some of the daylilies that have filled in the spot. They are coming up in leaps and bounds and I need to transplant some to the front yard. The woods edge has moved back a bit and I have an expanse of nothing. Tiger lilies would really brighten it up.

While I was out walking around this afternoon I noticed that the Shepherdia Argentea has already leafed out. I love that plant. I had a huge one at Sweet Apple and was able to transplant some of it to my parents house. Then after a few years I took a few back and planted them in the backyard. They are gorgeous. Silver Buffaloberry. Our neighbour on the other block has several, too. I really don't know why it's not more popular. Bees love it. Butterflies, too. Birds love the edible fruit which clusters up on the stem. You can even make jelly out of them.

The ambien has kicked in. I've got to brush my teeth yet and I'm afraid I might give myself a frontal labotomy while I'm at it.
What's the saying........I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal labotomy. clever.

Gaah. I had a pounding headache this morning that was even worse than the pounding headache I went to bed with and promised myself that I'd crawl back into bed as soon as the kidlet was off to school. I did. For about 2 minutes. Pip needed to go out. After tossing her out I noticed that the fishtank was a little deeper green than normal and got dressed to take care of that. I went outside, freezing, to get the gravel vacuum. I fed the chickens some corn while I was there and retrieved an egg from the coop.
Drained the tank and watered all the houseplants with the fertilizer/fish poo. Mopped up all the water that was pouring out of the plant saucers. Transferred one of the platys to a separate bowl as he didn't look too chipper. Cleaned the filter housing and filled the tank for the next hour. Back and forth. *sigh* Oh yeah, fish are so worth it. I'm just glad I don't have my big tank set up. Got all the fish squared away and discovered my filter lid was gone. I still can't find it.

Meanwhile, I glanced out the window and saw Blondie carrying something in her mouth. She spat it out and tried to gnaw on it. It was an egg. That egg sucking dog has been raiding the henhouse. I think Rocky has just started laying but this was from one of the other girls. Different shape, different colour.

My house is a wreck. It's cold. I still haven't had brekkie and the bread dough is ready to be transferred to the board. This is my break.

My pussywillow is blooming, daffodils are open, robins are pumping up worms in the backyard and a couple of doves are snacking on the chicken's corn. Spring really wants to happen.

Pip is at the window howling to get back in.
Break over.

Same crap different day.
Same crap different week.
Same crap different month.
Same crap different year.

Nothing changes. Whoever said one person could make a difference is a freaking idiot.

I seeded one of the flats this morning. Finally. Sweet Bell Peppers, Purple Coneflower, Tiny Tiger tomatoes, Pink Brandywine tomatoes. The flat of Principe Borghese tomato seedlings is doing well. I move them around from sunny sill to sunny sill. The lunaria, of which all twelve germinated, are getting really leggy. I need to get them under the lights today.
I still need to sow rudbeckia and veronica speedwell. Later.

Yesterday was a picture of domestic bliss. I took the kidlet to the open skate at skate-away. OMGosh, it was like walking into "there was an old lady who lived in a shoe"... A hundred screaming kids, skating at breakneck speed in reckless abandon, in a dark room with loud rap music and the heavy smell of feet... mixed with the unpleasant aroma of melted nacho cheese on corn tortillas. Wug. Everywhere I looked I saw kids wiping snot on the backs of their hands. The place was an upholstered toilet. Dd loved it. For a short while she hung out with "Badboy Nate" from down the road. Dh & I call him "The Pisser". He's not allowed to come to our house anymore.

After about an hour of skating some kid slammed into dd and broke her skate. I couldn't fix it. She cried. We went to the pro shop to see if they could fix it. The kid in there said it couldn't be fixed and she wouldn't be able to use the skates in the rink even if it could. I was like, dude, she's been skating for over an hour already... I promised the kidlet I'd get her a new pair.

After skating we went to Goodwill. Mainly to see if they had a pair of skates that would fit dd. They usually do but they had just gotten done with a remodel and all the sporting goods stuff was gone. We got some books instead. I picked up some more restaurantware as well. I can't help myself.

It was almost more excitement than I can stand.

My principe borghese tomato seeds have finally germinated. I don't have the light table cleaned up yet. I guess I'll be doing that tomorrow come hell or high water. I prepared two flats today. I'll be seeding them tomorrow as well. I need to transplant the Lunaria seedlings already. Those things are off like a bullet. They must like my soil mix.
Dh and I pruned the pyracantha by the house. It looks like hell. I hope it fills out this spring. We also cut the dried Japanese Silver grass and the Pampas grass. It's starting to send up new green shoots.
Found lots of daffodils getting ready to open up.

Paul. OMG. I knew him back in the 80s when gravity hadn't taken it's toll on me yet. I was working as a cocktail waitress at The Tobacco Exchange and going to college for computer programming. He was a regular happy hour customer. He had smoldering good looks and was well versed in the classics. And I was an idiot. I was engaged to a cheating alcoholic who treated me like shit. Tom, the fiance, hated him and thought I was cheating on him with Paul. I didn't. I thought about it though. Often. Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm. I still have his photo. He's wearing a tux and a hint of a smile. I can still smell his cologne.

I got a card from him in the mail today. He said he "googled" me. I can't tell you how many times I've googled him over the years but never found him. We used to correspond after I graduated and moved up north. He said he found my old letters and decided to find me. I think the last time I saw him was at my old house, Sweet Apple. He dropped by one night with a bottle of wine and we listened to A Christmas Carol performed by Patrick Stewart. It was surreal. He had gotten married and was living in Georgia but was passing thru town on his yearly pilgrimage to the bay. He always seemed so troubled, in desparate need for someone to listen. He was an aspiring writer and I often looked to see if he had ever published. When I think of him, I think of Poe. That dark. That mysterious. That brilliant.
Wow.

Life goes on...

We got hit by a winter storm last night. Really. I saw it. That may be snow on the roof of the garage. I can't quite tell. I'm surprised they didn't call school off. They usually do when there is a "threat" of snow. The photo above was from our last snowstorm. Think of it as Norm's snowman on drugs. Note the large vacant staring eyes, the bedhead, the skinny arms and general lack of hygiene. He was Jonesing for sure. Within three days he was reduced to a slushy shadow of his former self. Alas, he was a product of his environment and couldn't be helped.

How quickly you look for and expect the negative. Not like me? No, it's not. But you believe the worst, don't you.

The Lunaria seeds I planted a week ago have broken ground, their little green elbows poking up thru the soil. I'm surprised. I didn't put them in the freezer. I can't remember if I harvested the seeds last fall or the year before. Lunaria seeds don't keep well, viability drops off quickly. I sowed them in a recycled mini cupcake tray from Ukrops. 12 cells. Not all have germinated yet and I don't expect all of them to make it but I have high hopes. Lunaria, or Money Plant, is a pretty little biennial with purple flowers. It grows best in shade.

None of the Principe Borghese tomatoes have germinated yet but I sowed them later than the Lunaria.

Your proxy isn't working.

Not much happening. The weather has gone chilly again. I spent hours out in the sun yesterday trying to boost my D levels. Pulled some dead weeds out of the garden. Helped dh clean up the deck. Rocky gave me an egg. I imagine she was the one who laid the egg on Wednesday as well. She was well rewarded with her favourite snack, cheese crackers.

Bought a new washing machine on Wednesday. It was delivered yesterday. Bosch. Made right here in the USA. New Bern, NC. It's supposed to take care of 27 regular bath towels in one load. I doubt it seriously but I'm hoping a dozen will work. The salesman said it used 10½ gallons of water for the cycle. An extra rinse would use 1½ gallons more. I think 27 regular bath towels would soak up every bit of 10 gallons. Whatever. Just as long as it doesn't leak like a sieve. We kept the old Kenmore. I want to take it apart and replace the seal and see if that was the problem. If so we can sell it for $100 maybe. Lowes was just going to landfill it. So much waste. I just need to wait for warmer weather. And to finish the bathroom. No more new projects until that one is done.

Dh is home from work again. He seems to be in better spirits. I hate it when he's not feeling well. He's so quiet and withdrawn.
I need to go out today. Dd needs a book on the Wright Brothers for a school project. I need to mail a package to Lefty. I promised it would go out earlier than this. I'm such a shit.

How would you describe Purple to a blind person?

What a beautiful day! Looks like everyone was out either riding bikes or walking dogs this morning. I mixed up some seed starting medium and started a flat of Lunaria. Collected seed from last year so they may not germinate. Lunaria only grows from fresh seed so it's best to plant them asap. We'll see. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I repotted an ivy topiary and a lemon button fern, too. I have a very large planter outside so I decided to put bamboo in it, underplanted with lettuce. It sure felt good to get my hands in the soil.

Mom called. Mayumi, my SIL, managed to cut her little finger off. Ripped it off actually. It couldn't be reattached. Too much trauma. Freak accident. I can't imagine the pain she must have felt. I shudder to think about it.
She also said that Brother Rick is contemplating a move back home and SpongeBob is moving back in as well. Third time's the charm with him. Maybe he'll succeed in totally destroying the property this time. He only trashed it the previous two times. Dad busted ass getting that place liveable, drilled a well, and put in a septic system. They trashed it and bugged out. He busted his ass getting it fixed again. They moved back in, trashed it and bugged out again. This time Dad had to pull up all the carpet, tear up the subfloor and replace it, gut the bathroom and fix it, actually too much to describe here. Lots of cussing involved. Lots of work. Lots of time and money. I can't wait to see how long this lasts. Still recovering from colon cancer and he has to get the place liveable for them again.

Closer to home: Tuco was at Death's Door for a couple of days. It's still touch and go. He's an old dog and winter is doing him in. But he did eat a can of food yesterday and had a little bit to eat today. He's skin and bones. Poor little hound. I think he'll be fine once spring gets here.

If someone drops a shoe in the forest and there's no one around to hear it will they know when the other one drops?

I did some work on the shower this afternoon. It's coming along. I've decided to take the easier but more expensive premixed route. I need to go to Lowes tomorrow for another bucket of mortar. I could use a new float, too. Anyway, I got a couple of courses laid and then I scratched out the grout lines on the previously laid courses. It's really starting to look like something. I'm looking forward to getting back in there.

Did a load of laundry today and dh noticed that there was a little bit of water on the floor. I figured it came from when I added something to the load after it started but it turns out that the washer is leaking. Dh took the back off and as far as I can tell the gasket around the drum is shot. This is a front loader so taking it apart to replace it is going to be a real bitch. Dh just wants to go and buy a new washer. He's easily intimidated by machines. I think we can fix it. But who am I to throw away the chance at a brand new shiny washing machine? ;o) Maybe I'll look at a few at Lowes tomorrow.

Didn't get any seeds started today as I had hoped. I got a little sidetracked with something and didn't get around to mixing the seed starter. I need to inventory my seeds and see what's still viable. I need to clear off the growing table and bring it in the house, too. I'll probably need to change out some of the lights. Last year's plants got really leggy under the lights. I think they're beginning to lose their strength. I need to devise a way of bottom heating the seed trays as well. Last year the heat pad cooked a few. Maybe if I used cooling racks and slid the heating pad under them and set the trays on top of the racks? That would probably work pretty well. No direct contact and ambient heat. Even better if I tent the table I suspect.

Looks like I have a lot to do tomorrow. I need to polish off my beer and hit the sack. Michelob Ultra Pomegranate Raspberry. Pretty tasty. I think I'll go get a couple more 6packs before Kroger jacks the price out of my range.

Dh was able to duck the film crew this year. They managed to get to his office though and took a shot of a quote he blew up and pinned to his wall. Mat 7:7 He only has part of the quote:

Seek, and ye shall find.

Dh's boss told them not to air that shot but they did anyway. Why? Because it's purpose could be misinterpreted. While it has a benign meaning to dh, when put into the news story's context it could be interpreted by the viewers as contrivance.

I guess that could happen with any quote. People see what they want to see. If they think conspiracy, they'll find conspiracy. If they feel a statement is vituperative then they will respond with vitriol. It brings to mind another great quotation:

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.
Hamlet, Act II Scene ii

or, this one:

Why, look you now, how unworthy a thing you make of me. You would play upon me; you would seem to know my stops; you would pluck out the heart of my mystery; you would sound me from my lowest note to the top of my compass; and there is much music, excellent voice, in this little organ, yet cannot you make it speak. 'Sblood, do you think I am easier to be played on than a pipe? Call me what instrument you will, though you can fret me, you cannot play upon me.
Hamlet, Act II Scene ii

Man, Willie had it going on, didn't he?

Got an email from an MD member seeking help with her login procedure. Seems she got locked out and the contact email for MD admin was bouncing back to her. So she decided to email me. I'm drawing a total blank on that. Why? I'm no longer admin. I haven't even visited the board for nearly a month. I wonder how many other people haven't noticed that I'm no longer there? LOL, it's almost insulting. Anyway, she had CCed the message to Colleen so I'll assume she got the help she needed.

I've been working on getting a group together to go to Magnolia Grange next Tuesday. I haven't been getting very many responses one way or the other. I really don't understand that either. People contact me and say they are looking for a group and want to meet new friends but when it comes down to brass tacks very few want to actually meet up. I joined a meetup.com group a week or so ago. A group for homemakers in the area. Meetups were set up for Wednesdays at noon. The organizer of the group never posted an event. You have to pay a monthly fee to run meetups. I don't understand why someone would create a group and then fail to follow thru on it. It doesn't make sense. I guess it's like joining a board you have no intention of participating on. Why?

I took some hot water out for the birds this morning and was rewarded with a great show. A flock of Eastern Bluebirds stopped for a drink. They were absolutely gorgeous! I was only able to count 20 but there were many more flitting around that I couldn't keep up with. I took some meal worms out to them but they aren't used to me or the backyard so none of them stopped for a nosh. They were joined by a small flock of Cedar Waxwings...my ultimate favourite. What a sleek handsome bird. I'm always thrilled to see them as it happens so seldom. There were a couple of Blue Jays, a few goldfinches, a bazillion cardinals, some junkos, sparrows, and, believe it or not, some big fat Robins.

I made sure the feeder was full of black oil sunflower seeds but they really have plenty to eat around here with all the bird friendly plants I grow. Pyracantha, Calicarpa, Juniper, dogwoods, crabapple, holly, mahonia, Nandina, Burning Bush, Magnolias... I'll put some suet cakes out later. Weird, but I didn't see any Chickadees.

The rain barrel was frozen solid but the goldfish pond is totally free of ice. I have clear plastic over it with access points for the chickens, cats and dogs so they can drink. I'm surprised I haven't had the need for the heater. The plastic is held off the surface by pvc poles laid over top of the pond. Simple and effective. I saw Big Fish the other day and a group of the babies and they all seem fine.

Most of the cats are enjoying the warmth of the house again this morning. Another reason why I was blessed with the visit. Seeing those birds really lifted my spirits.

My dh and my dd and I have been together 24/7 for the past 5 days. Tomorrow he goes back to work and she goes back to school. I will be wallowing in the blissful silence. For the past couple of nights we have been joined by 7 cats and 2 dogs as well. It's been really cold outside and the poor dogs just can't handle it. Dh was able to call Blondie in but Tuco wasn't showing up. He had to go out to his house inside the garage to check on him. Seems he wrapped himself up in his blanket like a burrito and couldn't get loose. I still can't figure out how he managed that.

Anyway, I can't wait for the week to begin. I can exercise again without being made fun of. I can go out to the library, a book store, or even Michaels without being rushed. I can listen to Steely Dan or Vivaldi without comment. I'm quite excited about it.

The shit hit the fan with dd this evening. The denouement of a long weekend of brattiness. I don't want to be a bitchy mom. I want dd to have a happy childhood. She'll grow up way quicker than I did. That's just a product of the times I'm afraid. But I fear my leniency has come back to bite me square on the ass. It's time to follow through on some of my consequential threats. It's not going to be pretty. *sigh*

It's 64.4 degrees in this room. Great for the computer. Not so great for me. I've got two pairs of socks and slippers on and my feet are still cold. I look around and wherever there's a puddle of sunlight, there's a cat sleeping in it. I remember years ago at Sweet Apple I had a southfacing glass door. I'd pull my papasan chair in front of it, Goliath would crawl up on my lap and we'd snooze. Back then I was slim and trim. You might even say semi-ripped. I worked out regularly. I did chinups on the scaffolding on the side of the house. I did curls with jugs of sand. We went letterboxing at Rockwood last weekend and I couldn't do even one chinup at the health station. Blah.
Time for Billy Blanks.

at 9:21 a.m. I gave birth to my dd. My one and only. After four excruciating hours of pushing she was finally pulled from me. I swear she was hanging onto a bottom rib or something. Stubborn and unyielding. She hasn't changed a bit.
I haven't changed much either. I'm still pushing. For eight years I've watched her grow. I look at her baby pictures and I don't recognize her. For eight years I put my life on hold. Gladly. I admit I used my baby to withdraw at times. I tried to join some of the local mom groups but found most to be filled with sequacious, exhausted mothers just going through the motions so their kids would have a social life. Honestly, does a two year old really care? Does the mother get any social relief listening to someone else go on and on about another baby's croup? And every time we'd come away with another germ that would manifest itself in gallons of snot. No thank you.
So I withdrew from real life and immersed myself in the cyberspace diaper boards. We all know how that turned out. And now...here we are. What now?
Every day my dd grows a little more independent (except for the cleaning up after herself part, of course). I can't define myself as a stay at home mom anymore. I'm not sure of my role. Housekeeper? Hah!
What now?

I think I should have chosen the "starve a cold, feed a fever" route. I'm still hacking away. I'm beginning to feel the congestion now. Dh is really starting to worry. I'm in the middle of my second week of this crap and I've gained 5 lbs. I don't know how. All I've been eating is soup for the most part. And lots and lots of tea. I'm cold all the time. I guess that's why I'm packing on the poundage. I need to go to the doctor sometime pretty soon to get some blood drawn for my D levels. And it's been 6 months since my mammogram...time to go in and see if I need a biopsy. Not looking forward to that at all.
Even worse than all of that I need to go to the DMV and get my license renewed. Joy of joys. The excitement never ends.

I've been working on the front page for the website. It's nerve wracking but fun. I gave up on all the prepackaged open source CMS projects. Way too complicated for what I wanted to do. Check it out: http://www.squarepegmama.com (Just click on the title of this blog entry to get there.)
I've really got to buckle down on this if I'm going to pursue it at all. On the one hand I am so done with online communities. But on the other hand I've wanted to do something like square peg for a long time. I just had responsibilities elsewhere that demanded my time and attention. go figure.
So much time lost but that's all spilled milk under the bridge. ;o)

Man oh Man oh Man. I just discovered that we get the DIY network on tv. I usually don't turn the tv on at all during the day. I have enough distractions already tyvm. So far I've watched a kitchen makeover show, a bathroom makeover show, and now there's a show on painting techniques. Either a lot of changes are going to happen in this house or none at all because I can't tear myself away from the tv.

Actually I'm excited to get some paint on the walls of this house. Dh likes plain white walls. They kill me. I like colour! Bold, bright colours! My kitchen is a sunny yellow that I painted using a dry brush technique. Like colourwashing without the glaze. Super cheap. When dd was really little she would "hug" the wall and say it was a happy colour. I have to say the kitchen is probably my favourite room in the house.

I'm dying to strip the wallpaper off the wall in the master bedroom, the only room in the house with wallpaper. It's rather lumpy so I'm not sure what I'll find underneath. I have to finish the bathroom first, though. That means finishing the shower tiling, the floor tiling, the vanity tiling, painting the walls and hanging the fixtures. A lot of work. I'll need to squeeze some of that in before 12. There's something interesting coming on at 12. I hope this channel shows some outdoor stuff, too. I've got a lot of landscaping planned for this spring.

Today was pretty nice out. While I was out feeding the chickens I thought I'd do a little yard work as well. I cut down all the old chrysanthemums and shiso. I carried the pile of vegetation back behind the garage where we have a big brush pile. There on top of the pile was a freshly cut cedar. A single leader tree the perfect size for a Christmas tree. Who the hell would be lobbing their spent tree onto our brush pile the day after Christmas? Dh.

Every year we use a potted Norfolk Island pine as our tree. It makes for a very ugly tree but nothing is killed. I hate the idea of killing a tree just for two weeks of decoration. That's the tree hugger in me. So when I found out that the perfect little cedar laying on top of our brush pile was actually the perfect little cedar tree that used to be in our front yard I went ballistic.

Dh cut it down because he didn't want it there anymore. The branches were extending 16 inches into the backyard gate he said. So he hacked it down and threw it away knowing fully well that I would go ballistic when I found out. But, hey, it's too late now so it's not logical to stay mad, right? Right?? That's his logic, not mine. We could have had a perfect Christmas tree this year but he killed the tree for nothing. NOTHING! I'm so pissed.

I now know why some animals chew off their limbs when they're trapped.

Man, I feel like shit. I've been fighting a headache and the urge to spew for the past two days. I was afraid to take my ambien last night and as a result I was still tossing and turning at 5 a.m.
Dh has been pissing and moaning all day because I'm not laughing and having a good time. I'm ruining Christmas. Geez, why not throw a little guilt and pressure my way. That's sure to make this illness flee in mortal terror. He just asked me if I'd like a little 7up for my stomach upset. I said yes. So he brought me the whole 2 liter bottle. No glass. Nice.

We went letterboxing after lunch. We took Blondie, too. I thought the fresh air and exercise would make me feel better. Didn't. The car ride over to the park nearly did me in. Dh was not happy. I made the effort. That should account for something. Doesn't. We didn't find the letterbox either.

I made the artisan bread this afternoon. The dough had been working for 22 hours. Turned out pretty good for my first shot at this recipe. Nice sharp crust, chewy interior with lots of holes. No tang that I can detect though.

All I want to do is take a very hot shower, put on my snuggies and curl up in front of the fire and watch my annual Christmas Eve Bruce Willis movie. And then sleep sleep sleep. No chance of that though.

Oh! You better not post,
if from certain sites,
It's gotta be good,
or you're in for a fight:

AmityMamaDrama is here!

They're making a list,
and checking IPs,
Gonna kick out
members from MDC.

AmityMamaDrama is here!

They see you when you're lurking,
They know when you're online.
They like when you're a sycophant,
So agree and you'll be fine!

So...You better not post,
You better not whine
You better suck up,
and don't cross the line.

AmityMamaDrama is here!

All the lemmings,
the sycophant crew.
STFU
they'll come for you too.

PMs aren't safe
they'll google you too,
They'll bend the rules
it could happen to you.

AmityMamaDrama is here.

The folks from LTG board
remember I&G
The list was quite the drama
from the mole - SCDD.

Oh....You better not post,
You better not whine
You better suck up,
and don't cross the line.

AmityMamaDrama
AmityMamaDrama
AmityMamaDrama
is here!

Merry Christmas everybody!

I made a pot of coffee today. First time in months and months and months. I also tackled the utility/laundry room today. I heard dd refer to it as "the dirty room" recently and thought I better do something about it. What a difference. I rearranged some stuff in there, scrubbed everything down with bleach, dusted, and recycled some stuff. There's actually room to move around now.

Man, this coffee is good! Luzianne and Irish Creme. I'm headed off to the shower to lay some more tile. Why did I ever give up coffee in the first place???? Hmmm, could that be the reason why I'm such a shrew? Nah. ;o)

I hate to lie. Hate it. I avoid it if possible but sometimes it's really not up to me. Not when I have to consider other people. I must confess a lie I made some time back. It was during one of the board crashes. Danica gave us free run of her "soap dish" board. She made me an admin and let me set up a forum for discussion. One time I mentioned 'going back to the 3DBB'. Someone jumped on it and accused us (admin) of having a secret board. We denied it. I said I meant 'back to the drawing board' like the Mr. Peabody and Simon cartoon. I lied. It's ridiculous to expect an admin staff to not discuss board issues in private but people were so wary of the scheming and deceit that was prevalent under the Apiffany reign of terror. I lied and said we conducted board business via email. That was a laugh because loads of times I wouldn't get a response to emails or PMs. So, we had a board. Every once in awhile Camille would get paranoid and move us to a new board. We had a yahoo group at one time. The latest was an Invisionfree board. We were on that one the longest. I'm not on it anymore. I deleted myself when I left as admin at MD. It's probably gone now. I couldn't even access it without a direct link in an email. If I typed the url in my browser it would never come up. It was called divas_digs.
That lie has been bothering me for a long time. We may even have had a private forum at Danica's board for the time we were there. But, we never had a private forum at MD...not since we lost MD to Dana.

I have no earthly idea how the hookabitches figured out that the popcorn hooka was Katie from AW. I didn't get it then and I don't get it now. What really astounds me is the excessive amount of time and energy expended tracking her down. For what? Did anything change by the new found knowledge that, gasp, someone was misrepresenting themselves online? No. Nothing changed. I don't really think it mattered. I think what mattered most was that the hookabitches were right and everybody had to know that. No matter the cost. Those were the diaper washing, ass wiping, breastfeeding days of our children's infancy and we spent it on the web trying to prove that nothing could be put over on the hookabitches. What ego.
Some of us got over that burning need and moved on, entirely and quite blissfully ignorant of the multitude of petty subsequent dramas that have unfolded over the years. Some of us hung on because real life was just a blur of inane chores. Others changed. Others fed off the drama, looking for it in every thread, every post.

Sometimes there was no drama but anything could be turned into drama if you knew just how to spin it. For instance, the GIA forum. It started innocently enough. I noticed that there were three or four mods for that forum and I asked why. Seemed excessive. By the time all the accusations were flung out and the conspiracy theories hatched the forum was shut down, an admin kicked to the curb and members left MD. Why? Because nobody puts anything over on the hookabitches. It's all about control.

What about Stephanie, Kelly, and the CaliMafia? I don't know. I admit I didn't read all the mile long conspiracy laden posts about IP sharing. I didn't care. Why waste my time agonizing over the possibility that some members were having a laugh at KKT {Kelly's Kitchen Table) while logged on to MD? Chat was just buzzing with it. It was the biggest drama to hit MD for quite awhile. Logs were shared, IPs posted, tons of stats and logon times highlighted...but nothing to prove that Kelly was still getting into the restricted forums under someone else's username. No IP matches were made. I didn't see it and said as much. Why did it matter? Kelly was already gone. But the accusation against Stephanie was still made public with absolutely nothing to back it up. And nobody knew what to do. You couldn't just say "Um, are you ok? 'Cause you seem to be taking this all so personal." That would have morphed into it's very own shitstorm of innuendo and mistrust. So, nobody said anything. Finally the accusation was withdrawn and an apology posted followed by the obligatory "it takes a big person to admit when they are wrong" posts. And why? No reason except maybe nobody puts anything over on the hookabitches.

Now it seems that part of that particular drama was my fault because I did not weigh in with my thoughts. I was damned if I did and damned since I didn't. It wasn't my place to say "leave it alone. You can't control what someone does in their own home half a country away." It was a no-win situation all around for me. The beginning of the end. The only reason I said 'don't worry, we'll get that bitch sooner or later' was to let you know, Camille, that I still supported you as a friend. I knew you were mad because none of us backed you up publicly. I knew you were embarassed. Funny how I'm the only one you resented for it. You went out on your own like a runaway train and ran out of track and only had blame left to throw around. I couldn't stop you any more than you could stop Stephanie and Kelly.

And, no, Camille never asked anybody to say there was an IP match when there wasn't. She truly believed there was one. So, saying that I compared her to Apiffany was just another drama log to throw on the fire.

She truly is a sweetheart. I just thought I should say that. She has not allied herself one way or the other as far as I know in the hookabitch schism. I wish she wasn't involved at all because I think she got hurt. She isn't mean spirited in any way. If anyone mentioned in the previous post felt badly for not having stepped forward, it would have been Cassie. And any apology that she may have made, I feel quite certain was sincere. She just doesn't have "cut throat" in her.
I'm sorry that I caused her any anxiety and ruined MD for her.

Real life kind of snuck up on me. I'm still not done with my Things To Do list. The party is on Sunday and I'm not even close to being done. I wasted a beautiful summerlike day yesterday running around town trying to get stuff done. For no good reason. It's all quite pointless really. I'm sitting here thinking of 10 other things I should be doing...laundry, baking, making wrapping paper, actually wrapping gifts, sending out my Christmas cards, getting stuff ready for the Brownies meeting tonight, sewing dd's patches onto her vest, laying another course of tile... I'm afraid all of this stuff will avalanche soon.

But I think it is equally important to get my emotional and spiritual baggage taken care of as well. So, let me dig around in the confession bowl and see what pops up for today. Drum roll...

Ahh, Nicole. Ok. I never apologized to her for my role in the great fake IP address debacle at MD. April approached me and told me to post that I saw the IP match that proved that Nicole was posting at MD. I didn't. Because there wasn't one. April and Tiffany pretended to be Nicole and then swore up and down that it was really Nicole and they had the IP match to prove it. I, like every other hookabitch, sat back and said nothing. I knew if I denied the existence of the IP match then Apiffany would out me as the I&G mole. So I said nothing. I don't know why no one else came forward. When it finally came out and the hookabitches were scrambling to make nice and cover their asses I said nothing. I felt no need to make a public apology to Nicole. And it rather made me sick to see the hookabitches genuflecting and mewling over someone who despised us so vehemently. But what was far worse was the arrogance that followed. Nobody gave two shits about Nicole's feelings and by stepping forward and announcing that they had apologized to Nicole they were able to bask in the glow of the MDers who lavished them with "it takes a big person to admit when they were wrong" tripe and appear to be scrupulous at the same time.

My only regret was the loss of my friendship with Faith/IrishEyes who denounced MD and the hookabitches and never came back.

And I think I'll make a few to round out the year and clear the decks for next year. I just ran across some old C&Ps and they really put things into perspective for me.

I have a couple more yards of fabric to cut for the Brownie Scouts and a double batch of ranger cookies to bake and a load of laundry to fold but then I'll be back. And who knows, if I happen to drink a White Russian or two this evening it could get interesting. I'm of unusually good cheer this holiday. :o)

What a beautiful day it was yesterday. December 10th and high 70s. I opened up all the windows! I took the opportunity to sit outside, load up on vitamin D, and decide on our vacation destination for next year. We've loosely planned on the cruise for September. Dd will be in school but MIL said she would stay here for the week to watch her. We'll also be going back to DC for a few days. If you can't find something to do in DC then there's something wrong with you. I didn't think I'd like it but I did.
For the summer vacation I'm leaning toward Hilton Head Island, Marco Island, or Captiva. Dh was tossing out San Francisco, Boston, someplace in Texas, or even Orlando again. I don't know. It's a tough choice. Plus, we have that Outer Banks thing...Barrier Island Station in Duck.

I think next year I'll get my passport renewed and apply for dh's and dd's. I wouldn't think twice about going to London for a long weekend. ;o)

Dh's friend, Paul, was lamenting the fact that he was going to spend another two weeks in Hawaii. This past summer he went to Hawaii for a bit and then Tahiti for a week. To me, that has as much appeal as Phuket or Guam.

Look who's admin again. Back in the saddle and all's right with the world.

I have got a blistering headache. Too many white russians around the campfire this evening I guess. We went out shopping with MIL yesterday while dd was in school and had a lovely time. Dd went home with her grandmom to attend a concert and slept over. When she got home this afternoon the little girl from next door spirited her away for a couple of hours.
She had a good time at the concert and got a bunch of books from the library book sale and has had her nose buried in one all night until lights out.
I made the moravian ginger cookies today. What a pita. They turned out ok but required a lot of work. I also made a banana bread this morning. That turned out perfect.
The cable guy showed up this morning to hook up our HBO. We've gone digital. It was either that or lose the analog channels one by one. We got a $20 credit on the bill since the guy didn't show up on time. I don't know how many extra channels we have now but dh is still watching the same stupid shit...or sleeping thru it.
I'd love to crawl into bed right now. It's been a long couple of days and I'm beat down to my new cashmere socks (Thanks MIL!) but my soap comes on tonight. It's still a couple of hours away though. I hope I can stay awake.

Especially for Rocky. She's decided to go into moult. The poor little naked bird was freezing out there this morning, dwarfed by the other girls with their feathers all fluffed out. I brought her inside in the cat carrier in a pile of leaves and she has ceased shivering. I just gave her a potato chip which she dispatched with her usual gusto. The bird loves junk food. I'll have to pick up some cheese crackers for her this afternoon to cheer her up. The other girls were none too happy about me taking her away.

We brought the tree in last night. It looks much better since I repotted it the other day. It may be too big for the living room next year. I baked cookies yesterday as well. I started making Ranger cookies but discovered I didn't have any shredded coconut so I ended up adding a splash of pina colada mix instead. They turned out really well and have the added flavor of pineapple. Then I made a batch of pumpkin cookies with cranberries and walnuts. Great for breakfast. ;o) I need to mix up a batch of dough to run thru the cookie press. Dd loves the different shapes. I made some with carob last year that I thought were great. They weren't sweet enough for dd & dh. I always cut the sugar too much I suppose. That sounds like a great project for us to do this evening. The kitchen will be warm and cozy anyway.

I haven't posted in awhile because I've been fighting the urge to throw out some snark. It's been tough! Instead I'll just sit back and let them spin their conspiracy theories into a noose. That should keep them and their bandwidth zizzing along for a bit.

I've been working on the website for the past couple of days. I needed more than a discussion board. I just wish I knew how to do it. This is something I wanted to see MD evolve into way back when but I don't think anyone was interested in anything beyond TPT. That's a shame. There are some very talented women at that board who are slowly backing away due to the climate change. When you hear "if you don't like it, leave" enough times then I guess you'll do it. I'm sorry...the snark leaketh a bit.

So, I've been busy trying to learn this stuff and getting ready for Christmas. The shopping is more or less done. Now for the baking! I've been putting off the cookie leg of this Christmas journey because I have zero willpower. None. Even the thought of a cranberry walnut oatmeal cookie is making my stomach rumble. I know I'm going to have to gird my palate and fight the siren song of the cookie. But I'm weak. Damn you real chocolate morsel!

Do children under the age of 12 lack tastebuds? Wherever you go the children's menu seems to consist of chicken nuggets, mac & cheese, spaghetti & meatballs, or pizza. 25¢ worth of pasta with a $5 price tag. We were thinking about going to the Bonefish Grill and absolutely salivated over the wonderful choices on the menu...warm mango salsa over grilled Ahi Tuna or Pistachio Parmesan Crusted Rainbow Trout with Lemon Butter with a nice bottle of wine, followed by Creme Brulee or Macadamia Nut Brownie.
The "Minnow's Menu" looked like a typical Captain D's menu. Popcorn shrimp & Fries, Chicken Nuggets, breaded and deepfried something or other...which probably all taste the same.

Do people who go out for $22 slabs of fish and $25 bottles of wine that you can get in Target for $7 really take their kids with them when they go out to dine? I'm thinking not. I'm betting the restaurant has a stash of Kraft EasyMac on hand in the off chance that someone couldn't find a babysitter on date night. I'm surprised they don't have corndogs with yellow mustard on the kids' menu, although it would be hard to justify the price even though it comes with a beverage.

Try to keep up.
Gosh, what mean things can I say tonight? I'm in a fairly agreeable mood tonight. I had a perfect White Russian while watching NCIS and House. It just doesn't get any better than that.
The day was gorgeous. I went over to Regina's to pick up the last couple of yards of fabric that need cutting and I dropped off what I broke my back cutting the other day.
I happened upon a book sale at the library and got some great buys. I got a flylady book for 25¢. My Myth Busters DVD finally came in.
I was able to sit out in the sun for a little while and get a dose of vitamin D.
I made a fantastic supper for my fam. It all came out perfectly and at the same time.
I picked up a great little cd at Target for a buck.
I kicked ass on MahJongg Connect at Square Peg Mama. Level 4!
I caught my dd doing a math practice sheet in bed. I'm so proud of her!

Ahhh, the ambien is kicking in...
Some days are positively shitty for me. I feel so much pressure bearing down on me and yet I shouldn't. I've got the perfect life except I'm alone all the time. The cats are great for alleviating the loneliness but they aren't the conversationalists that Goliath was. That cat could talk a blue streak and always made a solid point. I miss him. The stream of consciousness thing just doesn't work with these guys. How am I ever going to nail down perpetual motion if I don't have someone to bounce it off of? These guys aren't satisfied with watching the gyroscopes...they have to bat them around. It makes the thought process rather disjointed. Some days I think it would just be easier to breed a giant hamster and set it loose in a wheel. Of course, the cats would love that.

Other days, like today, are brilliant. I visit my blog and wonder why on earth people who showed absolutely no interest in me at all for years have suddenly made it a habit to visit 2 or 3 times a day. I don't get it. They made their choice and elbowed me out. Why hang around? Waiting to see if I'll pull a Tiffril and blab my guts out? Oh, that's a possibility, you know, on those days that aren't so brilliant. Those days when I'm so lonely. But not today.

OMFG. I'm not a religious person at all but this still just has me shaking my head. Why be so crude? Why not show a little respect for those who are religious? Hell's Bells, if you hang with the religious peeps then you should at least try to take their beliefs into consideration. Get a clue. If your bestest buds can't even type out God without inserting a hyphen then you can bet your ass they won't want to spell out OMFG in their head. Although I do recall one of the more vocal "Christians" at MD using that same acronym quite often. That would seem worse than actually typing out God imo. I guess one woman's blasphemy is another woman's attempt at being hip and cool.

And the overall use of the word CUNT that has become the new 'in' name to sling around...zoiks. A few years from now when some of those women's kids are surfing the web, it is inevitable that one is going to run across something their mom wrote way back when. I can see it now. "Wow, mom called that other woman a Cuntastic Bitch! I can't wait to use that one!" Makes me rather proud to be a prude. I've had my moments but it's really not in my nature to get that crude. If that's the caliber of the folks running the show now, I guess I should be glad I'm not associated with them anymore. Being more hardcore than Sybermoms was not one of the things we were shooting for when we created MD.

For Brownie Scout mother of the year. I just spent over four back-breaking hours bent over the table cutting several yards of fabric into 3 X 3 inch squares. Part of that time was ironing it, part of it was trying to figure out how in hell I was supposed to get anything decent out of the scraps one mom sent me. I need to pick up a couple more yards to cut up from the troop leader tomorrow. My cutting mat is getting shredded. My rotary blade is shot. I already spent an hour and a half cutting during the last meeting. Ugh!
So, as a reward I just added approximately 3 lbs to my backside via a slice of cake with inch deep tooth crackingly sweet icing.

I made bread today. I made breadsticks last Thursday and they turned out so tasty I thought I'd make a couple loaves of something today. So I did. Rosemary & Thyme round bread. I screwed up the first loaf by trying to transfer it from the cookie sheet to the baking stone. It deflated rather unceremoniously like the wicked witch in Wizard of Oz. I had to let it rise for another 30 minutes but it still came out homely. The second loaf came out picture perfect. We've already eaten half of the ugly loaf and it is terrific. It's got a thick chewy crust due to the pan of water that I put in the oven while it was baking. The flavour and texture are wonderful. I am very pleased with myself...well, I did have my dd's help. She enjoyed it, too.

While the dough was rising we got together to read The Eleventh Hour by Graeme Base. We had a lot of fun cracking the codes and deciphering the hieroglyphs. It's an excellent read...great for snuggling up in a big chair. I hope the author's other books are as equally clever.

Time to turn in...I'm starting to see double. It just makes me think I have twice as much dust and dirt in this house. Hey, when I close my eyes I don't see any of it at all. Maybe I've hit on something there.

-ay, there's the rub

I look forward to sleep now. I yearn for it where I used to shun it. Once I had my shower this evening all I could think of was crawling into bed and shutting everything out for a few hours. Shutting out the utter nothingness. To escape time.

God I'm depressed. I haven't been this depressed in years. I guess the last time was in Roanoke when I had no friends, a shitty job in a forklift garage, and a recovering alcoholic "fiance" who cheated on me regularly. Ahh, the 80s. What a decade that was.

I'm hoping it's just the holidays and their transient dose of reality that's got me seeking solace in Ambien rather than a more permanent feeling of isolation. But with this early onset it doesn't bode well. I feel like I'm getting paler and paler and by Christmas I will have vanished completely. I feel like a ghost already. I slip so easily from view as though I were never there. Out of sight, out of mind. I am that weird feeling you get when you walk into a room and can't remember what you went in there for. The thought was there a second ago but now it's completely gone. Must not have been too important you say and walk back out of the room.

I can feel it shrinking every time I sit down to another game of letterlinker or mahjongg. Maybe dropping a juicy little drama bomb will spark some activity...

Well, all drama aside, my day was excruciatingly mundane. I had a little heated exchange with my mother, whose memory is apparently shorter than mine, or, at the very least, painted with a different brush. One that is much more forgiving. She whipped out the grudge card and gave me a wicked paper cut with it. That's ok. I heal quickly these days. Ahhh, Thanksgiving...the holiday known for Roasted Turkey, taters & gravy, cranberries, and the annual exequy where my flaws are trotted out like the proverbial dead horse to be whaled on once again. Dh is so looking forward to it.

I went to School Crossings to get the rest of dd's brownie stuff. We finally got her troop numbers so I picked up the rest of the patches needed for her uniform. I actually put them on the vest today, too! How's that for productive? I need to make the rolls for the soiree on Thursday. Guess I better do that tomorrow. Dh is already complaining because it threatens to cut into his Survivor time.

Went to the grocery store after that. Got some "cheap" milk. Finally found the note I scrawled about the milk shares. It's a great concept and I would love to partake but dh is unwilling. But it's Jersey milk, I cried! You haven't tasted milk until you've tasted Jersey milk! He was unimpressed with my show of emotion. My butter churn is ready to go! Rich, creamy, raw Jersey milk...a controlled substance like any narcotic, illegal to sell but free to use if you own the cow...or a portion thereof. Deucedly clever those dairy farmers.

See, if my brain wasn't so busy going numb I would have thought of that. So, as I was saying

Throughout the day I will feel compelled to look at my watch, the stove clock, the microwave... Nine times out of ten the time appearing will be a multiple. Like 1:11, 5:55, 11:11. I don't know why. I'm not a time oriented person. It just doesn't mean anything to me. It slips away so easily. It comes, robs me of my brain cells, and then leaves again.

This morning I lay in bed just letting my mind wander to all sorts of places, scenarios playing out wildly. I had no reason to get up so I didn't. I wallowed in the vacuum. Time didn't exist. But, of course, it did and I want those moments back but they're gone.

For dh, time is a shackle. He's a slave to the clock. He watches time slip away and, much like nature, abhors a vacuum. As long as he is conscious he feels the need to fill his time productively. However, productivity is a largely personal definition. Reading a book in front of the television is not productive to me. Nor is doing a crossword while drinking a beer outside beside the firepit. Adding a row of tiles to the shower...now, that's productive. Building a structure to house the garbage can and recycling containers...productive. Washing the dishes, laundry...productive but mind numbing.

So, today I am boycotting time and the productive use of it. Let it go, I don't care. I'm going to wallow in my vacuum for a while today. There will be time enough to push the real vacuum tomorrow.

Ugly goes right to the bone.

My old online "friends" were discussing a member's appearance one day. I don't remember who. I didn't engage in the thread. It seems she had a mouth full of stained teeth. I guess she posted in one of the mama pic threads. The girls were very judgemental with some 5th grade "EWWWWs" thrown in for good measure. There may have even been used the puking icon. I really thought they felt they were actually better than the poor mama with the stained teeth.

Well, it embarrassed me. Made me feel very self conscious. I didn't let on but, yeah, it hurt. I was suddenly glad I didn't post pics of myself very often. I've got stained teeth. Exterior bleaching will not work. The tooth is dead. Root canal has turned it into a brownish gray tooth. They would need to open the tooth, scrape out the insides and then bleach the shit out of it and then pack it with something. It would have to be done every year.
The other alternative is to grind the tooth down to a nub and put a porceline crown over it. Like all the other porceline crowns I have. I just had one put in today. I think that brings the total up to 9 crowns. $500 per crown plus $300 to prepare the tooth.
$7,200 so far and I'm scheduled for two more. I'm thinking about getting lumineers for those two but I think the cheapest is $600 per tooth with a 4 tooth minimum.

I'm a smiler. All the time for no apparent reason. Maybe that's why people walk away. Or maybe it's my nasty stained teeth...you know...because I'm classless and all.